Life is an Adventure

Our Family (of FIVE!)

2012-02-13T16:23:00.000-08:00

An updated family photo :)

I am so behind on posting. Maybe I will find time to write again...

For this child I prayed...

2012-01-31T05:57:00.001-08:00

1 Samuel 1:26-28

²⁶ and she said to him, “Pardon me, my lord. As surely as you live, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the LORD. ²⁷ I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. ²⁸ So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.” And he worshiped the LORD there.

In September of 2008, the Lord answered our prayers with the arrival of a precious 5 lb baby boy, Payton.

1 Samuel 1:26-28

And in January of 2012, the Lord blessed us again with the arrival of another baby boy, Isaiah Reed.

We have already been asked the inevitable question, "so do you feel different after giving birth to your "own" child." Well, of course it is different, but not better. And although each of my children grew inside of different wombs, they all share the same Heavenly Father that created them and they all share the same earthly Mommy and Daddy to love them and care for them. We feel so blessed to have each of our boys.

When things settle down, I hope to find time to share the story of Isaiah arrival in to this world. It was a crazy, wild ride to say the least!

Operation Makina

2011-12-06T17:33:00.000-08:00

Is it possible that I could be so proud and so humbled at the very same time?

Our son has taught Wes and me to approach the Christmas season with a new attitude. It is such a beautiful time of year, yet the waste and excess in our American culture can be hard to stomach, especially when your own child asks why there was no Christmas in Ethiopia. This year Bunte has been very nostalgic about Ethiopia as this time of year also marks his first anniversary of coming home and joining our family. He has asked to eat injera more and asked us questions about Ethiopia. And I could go on about how Bunte is processing all of this, but I am focusing on just one of his recent reflections.

We celebrate our Christmas with Wes's side of the family early in the season. Bunte loves matchbox cars, partly because he remembers playing with the few that came to the orphanage and care center via traveling families while he lived there, and partly because he is a 5 yo that likes cars. Anyhow, his Aunt Camala knows how much he loves cars so she gave him a gift of 20 or so matchbox cars. As we left the celebration, Bunte turned to Wes and asked him if it "would be okay to send the cars to Africa because the boys at "sister's house" (what he calls his former care center) don't have cars and I have lots." We were so impressed with his sweet and giving heart. Bunte can get very wrapped up in materialism like so many other American kids. But he also knows what it is like to go without (and by that, I mean he knows not just about how to live without toys, but without a lot of the basics most Americans take for granted.) We immediately told him that we would find a way to get the cars to Africa. I came home that evening and updated my facebook status with what my sweet boy shared with us. And something neat happened. I began to get emails, facebook messages, and texts from people asking me how they could help Bunte send matchbox cars to Ethiopia. My five year old was the root of a chain reaction. A beautiful chain reaction with a giving heart at the center of it all. This is exactly what this season should be about: a loving God who sent a Beautiful Gift to earth for all of humanity and choosing to model our own actions after a gracious Father.

In response to all of the positive feedback, we have officially launched "Operation Makina." (Btw, Makina means car in Amharic, one of the most widely spoken languages in Ethiopia.) We are collecting matchbox cars and small dolls (the size of your hand or smaller, preferably wooden or plastic, not plush as that will transmit diseases more easily in crowded care centers and orphanages). We are also collecting monetary donations to cover the cost of shipping these gifts to a family traveling to Ethiopia in January who will deliver them to a care center/orphanage. In addition, the funds will help cover the cost of an additional checked bag on their flight. For those of you that live locally and contacted us and wish to help Bunte with this project, please drop off your donations by December 30.

Giving Thanks for all the many Blessings

2011-11-18T10:57:00.000-08:00

Yes, everyone is doing it, but I thought it might turn my mood around to think of 30 things I have to be thankful for this month. Really, there is so much. So here is my "Thirty Days of Thanks."

1. For plenty of food to eat.

2. Tonight I read this post by Jen Hatmaker. She is one of my favorite writers and bloggers. Her honesty about adoption is amazing and inspiring. This post was about "being the village" for those walking through the adoption journey. Tonight I am thankful for our very small village that supported us along the way each time when there were so many others who did not. They were willing to understand and support us, no matter what. This is the ultimate post for friends and family of perspective adoptive parents to read. A guidebook, of sorts. I am grateful for our village and the opportunity to be the village so others in the AP community.

3.This evening we had the privilege of having dinner with a couple at the beginning stages of pursuing adoption. We shared our stories and heart for adoption. As we re-lived each of the journeys we walked to bring our boys home, my heart was filled with joy. What an amazing gift to experience. Learning to trust in His provision and timing was hard, but ultimately we were blessed more than we could have ever imagined. I am thankful for our boys, the journeys we have traveled together, and this special couple preparing for the ride of lifetime! This picture was taken on the first anniversary of Bunte's Forever Family Day.

4. For fresh water to drink... because so many people go without. We took this picture of the water (which many use a dump) in Ethiopia. We drove by this each day on our way to Bunte's care center. After a week or so of brushing my teeth with bottled water and putting tape over mouth while I took a shower, I had a new appreciation for just turning on the tap. Even though I was simply "inconvienced" by this, I had the means to purchase clean drinking water. Meanwhile, many others die each day from disease, such as Cholera, Giardia, and Typhoid, which are spread by contaminated water. When I first met my own child, he was suffering from preventable parasites and bacteria that he would not have had if there had been fresh water for him to drink.

5. I am thankful for my wonderful cousin Willow. She is truly a delight and has impacted me more than she will ever know. This year Willow rode Daisy, my pony, during the show season. Tonight was her night to shine as she and Daisy took the spotlight at the pony medal finals. They looked great, got ALL of their leads, and even took a victory gallop. A 5th place finish never looked so good! I am grateful for my sweet pony and the joy she has brought to our lives, but I am even more grateful for my wonderful cousin, Willow! I was so proud of her tonight!

6. Today is Orphan Sunday. It is estimated that there are 163 million orphans around the world. My heart aches for each little one waiting and hoping for a place to call home and parents to snuggle them to sleep. Tonight, on Orphan Sunday, my oldest son asked me to snuggle with him for the very first time. Payton always asks me for a "little tiny lay down," but Bunte has not...until tonight. I snuggled for bit, amazed at the changes in my son from 11 months ago until today. Our attachment journey has been a long one and we still have quite a ways to go. However, I am thankful for the breakthroughs, both big and small.

7. Bunte got his flu shot today. I am so grateful that we have access to basic medical care, such as vaccines. The flu could be deadly to Payton because of his asthma and it is deadly for so many in the world. It breaks my heart to think of all the people, esp. children, that die unnecessarily because they cannot get vaccinated. So grateful that my entire family is now protected from the flu.

8. For another great appointment with my midwife. She said all looks good! I am grateful that I have pre-natal care so readily available.

9. Tonight I am grateful for my loving husband. He had dinner ready for me when I walked in the door, then he cleaned the kitchen, and gave me a 1/2 hour long massage. Seriously, I hit the jack pot. And last night he had the boys fed, bathed and in bed when I got home since I had to work late. He is an amazing support for me and makes life so much more fun!

10. I am grateful for my precious fur-babies. They are a hassle to care for and can make me oh-so-mad, but they love us no matter what and are so loyal, kind, and loving to my entire family. They make us laugh every day with their silly antics. God knew what he was doing when He blessed humans with a "best friend." Jackie, LuLu and Carmen are a part of our family.

Photo from Rebekah Girvan Photography

11. I am so thankful for Bunte's school. Today we had a meeting with his guidance counselor and we are so pleased with all the support and resources available to him. His teacher is fantastic and caring and so are all the support staff that work with him. They have made school a FUN place for Bunte and he soaks it up each day! What a blessing! Public education can be great!

12. For a great big extended family. We aren't without our drama from time to time, but it was so great to grow up with so many cousins!

13. Today I am grateful that an adult adoptee that I had never met before chose to share her adoption story with us and ENCOURAGE us adoptive parents. What a blessing!

14. For a warm and cozy house.

15. I am grateful that today I was able to register with the public cord blood donation bank at Duke University. I hope that all works out well and that someone in need of this unique donation will benefit greatly.

16. Today I am grateful for family time. We have been VERY busy lately. Life just keeps passing by while we zoom from one thing to the next. But tonight we were all home for a "quiet" evening. (Ha, life with two boys is NEVER quiet.) Tonight is Wednesday, so it is "belly picture" night (31 weeks). I got ready for my usual photo shoot when the boys decided they needed to jump in as well. They stuffed their shirts and strutted over to stand next to me. It was so fun watching my boys tonight. I love them... all three of them.

17. Today I am grateful for God's protection. As I was driving home from work today a car hit me in an intersection. She completely blew through a red light. Half a second and I literally would have been smashed and most likely, killed. The only real damage was to the right side of the car and we both walked away unscathed. Immediately, one of my former high school teachers stopped to assist me, and my mom, godmother, and Wes appeared shortly thereafter. We spent some time ironing out the details with the police and insurance companies, then I headed home and called my midwife, per Wes' advice. She sent me to the hospital. I spent a few hours at the hospital so they could monitor Baby for any stress, and he appeared to be healthy and active. Wes picked me up and took me home. I walked in the house and tiptoed in the boys room and gave them great big kisses. I am thankful to be able to give them a kiss goodnight one more time. Life is precious.

18. Today I am so very thankful for my Payton. A child that knows he is loved and is comfortable with who he is. Payton has always been willing to be "his own" person. I had the privilege of picking up Payton from pre-school for the very first time today (I am usually at work). The children were studying Thanksgiving and made posters for all the things they were thankful for. On one poster every child (but mine) was grateful for either their mom or dad. Payton was grateful for "Lightening McQueen." On another, the children said which body part they were thankful for. All of the children responded their hands, back, legs, arms... but mine. Payton was grateful for his butt. Lovely son. So, there, proudly displayed on the wall, is the evidence of my very independent son. It is days like these that I am reminded that sometimes even though my child looks nothing like me, there is so much about him that resembles me. I love my Payton.
19. Today I am grateful for my best friends Erin, Meghan and Ashley. They hosted the most perfect baby shower for me today. It was low key and intimate, with all my favorite people. They even made all my favorite foods (crab dip, spinach dip, spring rolls with shrimp, strawberry icing topped cupcakes...mmmmmmm). So wonderfully wonderful. I am blessed that we have been able to maintain our relationship over the years, regardless of distance. And I am grateful for all the people who attended to show their love and support for our family as we grow...again. (And I would be remiss if I did not also add that I am grateful for all the ...diapers!)

20. Today I am grateful for our local Habesha community. We are so blessed that our tiny town has such a large community of Eritreans and Ethiopians. Today I watched Bunte playing soccer with a teenager from Ethiopia who has been so kind to him and such a role model. I am grateful that Bunte has so many wonderful, local Ethiopian families around to share their culture and love with him. What a blessing!

21. For a God that never fails me, even when I am weak, He is strong.

22. Tonight I attended our annual cross country end of season awards banquet. Although I am not a full time assistant coach anymore, I am grateful that I am able to participate, encourage, and coach when I can and give back to the sport I love so much. I am also grateful for the seven years I have been able to work with the head coach. She is a fantastic coach and a fantastic friend. Way to go, Coach Rinker and SHS CC!

23. Reconnecting with old friends.

24. Thanksgiving Day is here! This is our first and last Thanksgiving as a family of four because next year we hope to celebrate as a family of five. I loved that Bunte was here this year. Last year we were waiting on his embassy date in Ethiopia. He was able to watch the Macy's Day parade for the first time and to meet some extended family members for the first time. I was so happy and so grateful for my family. What a fun day!

25. Holiday traditions can be such fun for families. Bunte asked over and over again if we could put up our tree. Last year I refused to put it up until he was home and though he may not realize it, I think this was a milestone for him. It was one of the first "family" things we did after he came home. He eagerly decorated each branch and made our tree so beautiful. I am thankful for a little boy who is finding more and more comfort and security in what it means to be family.26. Today I am grateful that I was able to go to the UVA/Tech game. Although my school (UVA) lost, Wes and I had a great time together and enjoyed the view from a suite, courtesy of family friends! I was also able to get in some hangout time with my cousin Cristen and her precious little baby, Waverly.

27. A second Thanksgiving! We spent our evening dining with Wes's family and enjoying a second meal. We are blessed to have such wonderful families and delicious food to eat.

28. Today was our last child birth class. We toured the hospital and asked our last minute questions to the staff. As we walked around I just couldn't help but think about how blessed we are to have such wonderful medical care available. We are also thankful for a Wes's mom. She spent the evening with the boys and entertained them.

29. I am grateful for my mom who helped me iron out the details of the car accident with the insurance company and has been an extra help in dealing with some of life's unexpected challenges over the last few months :)

30. Well, I guess this is the last one. After school today I met with my long term. She is a former colleague of mine and it was so reassuring to have a chance to meet with her and prepare as I hand over my classes to her when the new addition arrives. (Baby boy, did you hear that? I am ready now... grow for another week or so and then make your grand appearance....) So thankful for the great staff at my school. They are FANTASTIC!

One Year Ago Today... Part 2

2011-10-19T16:22:00.000-07:00

One year ago today...

We woke up (or simply got out of bed, considering both of us had a serious case of insomnia) and heard the sounds of crowing roosters, calls to prayer, and many barking dogs. We opened the window and heard laughing children and horns beeping and Ethiopian music blaring. We were bombarded by new sights and sounds. We stepped onto the balcony to soak it all in. We did not one to miss one minute of this experience. Just then, we heard a donkey bray and saw a young boy heard donkeys down the street. Meanwhile, the younger kids attending the small school across the street laughed and waved at us and yelled, "China!" and pointed to us. There are many Chinese companies building in Addis and guess they were used to seeing Chinese travelers at our guest house. I smiled and waved back. We brushed our teeth with bottled water and headed down to breakfast of eggs and fresh pineapple juice. Then we waited and waited for the van scheduled to take us to meet our son for the very first time. Lord, prepare my heart. Lord, guard his heart. Please, Lord. Finally, the van arrived. We crowded in with other families preparing for the same encounter. The first embrace of the child they had grown to love through pictures and tidbits shared from other traveling families. This was it. He was really real and this journey was about to become very real.

Everything about our trip was unexpected... everything. We thought our son was at his orphanage (he wasn't, he was actually at the care center). We thought we would not meet his birth family (we did). And the list goes on. Anyhow, we rode along the crowded streets of Addis, holding back tears. It seemed like the longest journey ever and then the van pulled into Bunte's orphanage. I thought he would be there. He was not (the agency had moved him to the care center a few days earlier). Anyhow, I took advantage of this time to see where my son had spent three months of his life. I was desperate to soak up any knowledge of his past, because I knew there were many parts that would be a mystery to me... forever (and they still are). We shared a few donations with the orphanage and took some pictures for families that were still stateside, waiting to meet there little ones. Then we hopped back in the van and left for the care center. At this point, my stomach was in knots and the silent tears kept coming. I kept telling myself I had to make them stop before we met him. He does need my emotions on top of his. God, please help me stop these tears.

Bunte's bed at the orphanage (above) and the playground where he laughed and giggled with his friends (below).

And then they opened the green gates. The van pulled in and the children giggled and scattered. Where is my child? My eyes scanned frantically. Wes grabbed my arm and siad, "I see him! He is peeking out of the window." Sure enough, his terrified face was peeking through the corner of the window. We stepped out of the van and were ushered by the nannies to the "boy's room." All of the children were chatting away, but not my boy. Oh no, he is scared of us! The nannies took them all back inside and then brought Bunte out to us. He started to cry. And they told him to hug us... and I told him he did not have to. I need strength. My mommy instinct was to scoop him up, but my rational self knew to give him space. We were nothing more than strangers to him. While we starred at his picture each day and heard accounts and insights into his personality from traveling parents and prayed for him daily, he did not know a single thing about us. Nothing. How terrifying for him! They took us up to the porch where we broke the ice a little. Thankfully, I had a few bottles of bubbles in backpack. Slowly, we saw a few smiles cross his face. And just like that...we went from being strangers to forging our way into being a family. Each action, each word, each touch, each gaze, was intentional. Those three hours were exhausting. Then it was time to leave. No, it can't be. I can't leave. I just got here.

After the exhausting emotional journey of the early afternoon, we hired a driver and headed out to visit the restaurant at Desta Mender (part of the Hamlin Fistula Hospital). Unfortunately, the restaurant was closed. However, our travels allowed us to see much more of the city and its surrounding areas. We also stopped for a brief shopping excursion at ALERT, the leprosy hospital in Addis. It was a day we will never forget. On top of meeting our son, we also met some great people. Members of our travel group immediately became some of our most intimate friends. It was amazing how people we did not just one day ago suddenly shared a bond that would last forever. I am so grateful to know Lindsey and Branden!

One Year Ago Today Part 1

2011-10-17T15:29:00.000-07:00

One year ago today...

we were filled with feelings of helplessness, anticipation, anxiety, frustration, and love. All the emotions that come with the end stages of labor and birth of a new child. Except this birth resulted in the addition of a four year old (or older) little boy, not an 8 pound infant. And the labor was more intense and more emotional than words could ever explain. A year worth of social worker visits, countless notarized and authenticated papers, and endless hours of prayers and tears were finally coming to end as a new journey in our lives was about to begin. I realized that I never told much of story on our blog (because we are just now starting to emotionally process through everything that happened), so for the next few days I am going to try to re-cap the week long journey to gain legal custody of our son and become of a family of four.

One year ago today...

Our bags were packed for a week long journey to Africa to meet our son for the very first time.

Our donations for orphanages were boxed and duct taped for safe keeping.

We left our youngest son overnight, for the first time.

I had no idea what true suffering was or what it looked like.

We hopped on a plane and landed in Germany and enjoyed a brief but fantastic time with our friends, Matt and Kit.

We shopped for kindereggs for our soon-to-be four year old son and his friends.

I saw the largest rat-like creature ever (no, seriously, it was huge.)

We had not met some of the friends we would soon be linked to for life.

We had no idea what just how much our life was about to change.

My arms had never embraced my little boy whose picture I had memorized and studied for hours and hours and hours.

Group shot with Kit and Matt (one of Wes's brother rats from VMI) just before we left for Ethiopia. We loved that that made the trek to Frankfurt to spend the day with us and show us around a bit...including a search for enough kinder eggs for Bunte and his friends. Note that I have kinder eggs in my bag! I was protecting those eggs.
The rat thing we saw on our walk through a nature path outside of Frankfurt.
Just an image to show you just how big this rat thing was. The kids were feeding them like they were dogs. And all I could think, "Hmmm....perhaps this is an RUS (Princess Bride, anyone?)"

A Letter to my Little Man on His 3rd Birthday

2011-09-15T17:49:00.000-07:00

Oh My Precious Little Love Bug,

I cannot believe your third birthday is already here. It has been such a joyous three years with you. It seems that just yesterday we received the phone call that you would be born in just a few hours and instantaneously switched gears from being “Wes and Diana” to “Mommy and Daddy.” As soon as I could catch my breath from the excitement of that completely unexpected phone call, I immediately bowed my head and prayed some of the most fervent prayers of my life. Instantly, my prayers became those of a mother. Within hours of that phone call, you were safely born. And within 36 hours of your birth, we found ourselves sitting in the a hospital waiting room, for hours on end, wringing our hands and waiting to hear if you would be our precious son.

When it was finally time, we stepped onto to the elevator and headed down to the nursery. After a lot of security checks, I looked through the nursery windows at all the little babies wondering which one was my son. They were all beautiful babies. While I starred in wonder at the babies, my hand gently touching the window, our social worker chatted with the charge nurse while our hearts pounded in our chests. She returned after a few moments, but to us it felt like an eternity. They called us back to a tiny room behind the nursery. Daddy and I (along with three social workers and two nurses) waited for you in a room that was probably only 6 feet by 6 feet. We were crowded and it felt like we had an audience for what would be one of the most intimate moments in our life. And then they wheeled you in. All 5 pounds of you. You were calmly resting and wearing hospital-issued baby t-shirt that was WAY too big. Instantly, I thought you were the most beautiful of God’s creations. The nurse gently picked you up and placed you in my arms and tears gently rolled down my cheeks. Within moments you opened your eyes. It was as if those eyes of yours belonged to someone so much older. They looked right through us, to our hearts. You, Payton, were the unexpected blessing that we had prayed for. We were so in love with you then and still are.

After our nine days of travel and hotel living in two different states, we finally arrived home as a family of three. That very night we sat down on the floor of your nursery and read to you from Max Lucado’s children’s book, Just In Case You Ever Wonder. I don’t think I have ever wept so hard with such happy tears. As we read to you, our tiny babe, it was hard for me to imagine you being old enough to understand this simple little book. But now you, no longer a baby but a tiny tot weighing in at a whopping 26 pounds, do understand. And, as Lucado wrote in his book “You’re bigger now, and you do more things.” I love watching you master new talents and grow stronger and become the little man God created you to be. Over the last few months you have grownup so quickly. You started preschool, moved into your “big boy bed,” worked on potty training and have a vocabulary that could rival an 5^th grader (seriously). It truly is incredible to me how much you have grown. You are an avid breakfast-bar (brekbawrs, as you call them) eater, a jumping enthusiast, a gifted dancer, a budding musician, a Spanish learner, a snuggler, an awesome little brother and soon-to-be big brother, an expert on all things Thomas and CARS, a grammer-correcter (is that correct?), an animal lover, a jump-in-every-mud-puddle kind of spirit, sensitive to other’s emotions, an artist, and my favorite, you are still a mama’s boy through and through. Nothing can make my heart sing like walking in the front door from work and having you run to me, leap it to my arms, and squeal, “Mommy’s HOME! I missed you so much, Mommy!” And then you squeeze my neck oh so tight and give me the most precious kisses. Oh Payton, please know that no matter how old you are, my arms will always ache to hold you and comfort you. “Because as you grow and change, somethings will always be the same. I’ll always love you. I’ll always hug you. … And I want you to that… just in case you ever wonder.”

Patey Kite, it is hard for me to imagine any other child of mine embodying my personality and heart the way that you do. We may not share the same DNA, but son, your attitude, your compassion, your boldness, your temper, your love, your passion, your loyalty, your emphasis on perfection, and your spirit are all so closely connected to mine that there is no doubt you are my son. Maybe your brothers will one day replicate some of these traits too, or maybe not, but you seem to have inherited my strengths and my weaknesses. God certainly knew what he was doing when he connected our families. I pray that you will learn to use all of these traits to bless those around you.

Payton, I love you to the moon and back,

Mommy

A Great Post!

2011-09-07T18:37:00.000-07:00

I read a lot of adoption blogs. Probably more than I should, but the reality is that most of my local friends are SAHMs or only have bio kids, with the exception of one or two. I love them all dearly, but it is really hard to explain to someone just what it is like to parent that broken heart of a child that was adopted at an older age. Parenting is parenting, but it takes on an additional layer when you and your child don't exactly know each other's histories. Anyhow, I look to some of the blogs just to know I am not the only one out there walking this walk. There are others. But last nite I read a blog post that was so amazingly spot-on for our current phase of life that it brought tears to my eyes. I even woke up my husband to read it. And he said, "that's us." I know. So if you know us or our kids, please take a moment to read Jen Hatmaker's post. She uses just the right words. Our "after the airport" life looks a little different than her family's experiences, but it is also very much the same. Thank you, Jen Hatmaker, for putting into words the experiences that I just cannot.

I hate that word.

2011-09-05T12:38:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, we have heard that word too much lately. A word so loaded that I cannot even say it... or write it. My husband and son heard it from the mouth of a county employee at the dump two weeks ago... and we even heard a few days ago from the people in the hotel room next to ours while we were on vacation. When I hear it, I cannot describe how I feel. I want to cry. yell. punch. educate. protect. And all at the same time. I have always hated hearing it because I knew the history behind that word. But now it is really personal and I cannot stand it. The N word.

I know that no matter where my family moves or where my children go to school, there will be people who are not kind to them for some reason. I know that racism, bigotry, prejudice and hate are sins that permeate through all countries, all regions, all cities and counties. We cannot escape it. But can we change it? I would like to believe it is possible. Of course, as a trans-racial family we get questions that are inappropriate and stares that linger a little too long, but these encounters I am about to share are simply wrong and racist. There is no other way to put it.

These are two experiences just from this summer:

The Dump:

My husband made his Saturday morning run to our local dump and took my oldest son along with him in the truck. As he was unloading, the lady in the car in front of him was blaring some loud, older-genre country music. The dump employee, a middle-aged white man, commented on her music to my husband. Wes responded, "well, you know, it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round." To which the man replied, "well, I'll tell you what doesn't make the world go 'round. Rap music. It is just a bunch of n-words yellin. It is the most n-word-ified s--- I have ever heard. They can keep their music." My son was sitting in the back seat. I am praying he did not hear any of this. My husband was stunned. I don't know what he said to the man, but he called the county office and complained the following Monday. I honestly doubt the man was seriously reprimanded, because he was working at the dump again two weekends later. When I posted something about this encounter on my facebook page, I received various feedback. Some people were angry and others just said that they were sorry, because it must really hurt us to hear these things. I appreciate their kind words, but the reason I share these stories and what I hope people will take away from this is that these issues our not OUR (as in my family) issues because we choose to build our family this way. I hope they can see this as their problem too. This problem of racism/homophobia/bigotry is much bigger than our small encounters. We cannot stand idly by and listen as others tell jokes grounded in racial stereotypes or prejudice or homophobia and remain silent. This is not just *our* problem! It is every one's problem. Until more people stand up, say something, nothing will change.

Another story from our vacation:

It was our last day in Virginia Beach. The kids had a blast. We had a blast. As we were walking up from the beach to our hotel room we notice we have new neighbors in the hotel room next to ours. They were LOUD. In the amount of time it took us to get our key card and open the door, we heard these neighbors say the F-word at least four times and the N-word at least three times. I was livid. I knew my boys heard. I don't know how much they understood of the comments coming from next door, but Bunte understood enough to ask me why they wanted to hurt our feelings. Wes immediately called the front desk (resisting his immediate urge to punch the guy in the face) and complained. They appropriately called our hotel neighbors and told them that if they could not stop, they would be asked to leave. The man's daughter hung up the phone and repeated the conversation to her father. He was mad. He continued yelling that it was his right to say what he wanted to say and he did not give a s--- about how these n-words felt because his great-grandfather owned slaves and he would to if they had not changed the laws. We called back to the front desk to complain. We did not hear a peep for the rest of our stay (and noticed a police officer in the lobby). But once again, I thought about how my boys will feel when the same scenario presents itself when they are teenagers. Will they be able to keep their cool? I know I sure had a hard time refraining from knocking on his door and saying exactly how I felt (although I could tell the man was probably drunk and that was not a safe decision for my family.) Will I be able to be the example they need? Will I have taught them enough to handle this situation without me? I worry about these things and pray for guidance daily.

We have always known that racism is, unfortunately, alive and well in our community, but lately it seems these blatant encounters with it are becoming too frequent, even to the point that we have considered moving. Some of the things I have seen and heard I cannot share on here because they happened in an educational setting and I have a strict, self-imposed non-discussion policy to protect my professional career. But what I can say is that the blatant racism in our community makes me anxious. My oldest started kindergarten two weeks ago. I won't be there to protect him from the words of his classmates over the years. My prayer for him is that he has strength and wisdom to educate and inform when he feels offended. My prayer is that we are teaching him to embrace diversity and he will act on those teachings modeled after a Man who challenged stereotypes and loved those that mainstream society did not. A God that only spoke of love instead of hate.

Next time someone shares a joke with you with negative racial/socio-economic/homophobic undertones or stereotypes, will you say something?

What? Another Boy???? (I told you so ;)

2011-09-01T14:34:00.000-07:00

Ever since we decided to start building our family, I thought we would end up with five boys. I don't really know why I thought this would happen, but just did. Well, when we found out I was pregnant, I was shocked. When they told us it was a girl at 12 weeks, I was stunned. So much for my theory. However, I was not totally convinced that this baby was a girl. Yesterday we had our "big ultrasound" and, sure enough, it is a BOY! We are on our way to a basketball team of boys! Crazy as it sounds, I was so excited to know I'll have another boy. I love my boys and I am kind a tough mama, so it suits me well. I was most thrilled to know that everything looked okay (except they never got a good look at his spine so I get to have another ultrasound at 24 weeks. I told baby boy he did a good job... just uncooperative enough to get us another ultrasound ;).

My big belly that just keeps growing. It measure at 22 weeks and baby boy is measuring around 21 and I am technically 20. I am hoping this means my due date is sooner than anticipated!!!!!
Yes, he is definitely a BOY!

This picture is my absolute favorite!!!! He was asleep for most of the u/s so she pushed on him a bit to get him to wake up and cooperate. When he finally did wake up he looked right at us and stuck out his tongue. Now this little man is starting to have the attitude it takes to be a part of this family! So cute!

What a Way to Start the School Year!

2011-08-28T12:37:00.000-07:00

Bunte started Kindergarten this week and I had that feeling again of "how did we just do 5 years of parenting in the last 8 months?" So crazy. Thankfully, Bunte was so excited for school and loves his teacher! He was a little (ok, a lot) wired and energized after the first day and left some of his listening skills in his Kindergarten classroom, but his behavior improved the rest of the week. The teacher said he did an AWESOME job this week but he needs to work on raising his hand instead of answering ALL of the questions. (So at dinner the other nite he had his had in the air and I asked him what he was doing. He said, "waiting for you to call on me.") ;)

Wes snapped a picture of both of us on our first day of school! His day was way more fun that mine. So fun, in fact, that he never noticed the 5.9 earth quake. I, however, did notice it. I actually thought the pharmaceutical plant next to the high school where I teach blew up. My students were as baffled as I was. Crazy for Virginia to have an earth quake we actually notice.

Bunte rides the bus to school most mornings, but Wes picks him up in the afternoons so he does not have to ride on the bus for an hour. Here he is at the end of the day, waiting patiently in the "K" pick up area.

One happy little kindergartner! He joined Daddy at football practice for a bit and then came with me to cross country practice. When we finally got in the car to come home, I asked him what he did at school. After his list of 10 things, he told me had a lot of fun..... but he really missed his brother! I love that my boys are growing to be such good friends. I hope and pray that bond grows stronger and stronger over the years.

One last bus picture. My Aunt Linda called Bunte to ask him how his first day went and they were having a conversation about the bus ride. Bunte's part of the conversation I heard went something like this, "No, I didn't DRIVE the bus. That would be silly. I am not old like Dad-Dad. I only sit on the bus." (BTW, my Dad (the boys call him Dad Dad) is a farmer and also drives a school bus. I am sure he will be glad to know that Bunte thinks he is old ;).

We hope Bunte's enthusiasm for school lasts for the next 16 years or so! And for next week to have a few less natural disasters.....

"She kiss me"

2011-08-22T17:51:00.000-07:00

I was driving when Payton shared these words with me.

And the tears just rolled. I couldn't even turn around and look at him. I don't know if it is just these pregnancy hormones or what, but I could not stop it. The conversation started as Bunte was trying to piece together extended family relationships after a family gathering and how we are all connected. Then he shared a little about his relatives in Ethiopia and he asked if Payton has other brothers and sisters. I shared the little bit of information I had with the boys. Then I heard Payton's little voice say, "I was in Mama C's belly (he said her entire name, but I am not listing it for privacy purposes) and I came out and she held me and she kiss me and she say, "I love you!"

I have told Payton many times that his first mama loves him, but I have never placed it in this context to him. I really don't know what happened in the 36 hours of his life I missed, but I do know that Mama C does love her little boy and prays for him. My heart was delighted to know that Payton, not even 3 yet, has internalized this message and knows he was and is loved by both of his moms.

Oh, this little boy can melt my heart.

Big Belly

2011-08-04T15:13:00.000-07:00

So I have not written a post about this pregnancy... because I have not really wanted to and probably should not really put on a public blog the thoughts running through my head in response to many things we have heard form well-meaning people that just plain hurt my feelings. (BTW, if you see me, do not congratulate me on "finally having a real child" or "one of my own". My 2 and 4 year olds are also very real and very much my own. Trust me.) Anyhow, my Daddy said if you can't say something nice.... so, I'll just leave it at that.

However, this little one probably deserves a little more time and attention that I have given her over the past few weeks. There just really isn't time to think about being pregnant when you have a 2 yo and a 4 yo demanding every second of your waking hours. Anyhow, I really have no real reason to whine or complain. I think most pregnant people generally feel kinda crappy and I am right there with them. Otherwise, life goes on. On a lighter note, the one thing that I keep hearing from people is: "your only _ weeks, wow! You look much bigger. Are you sure there aren't twins in there? Are you sure you are only __ weeks?" The answer is yes, I am sure. I have had about 8 or so ultrasounds due to a subchorionic hemorrhage early in my pregnancy. I am sure if the due date was way off or there were twins, someone would have told me. I just have a fat, bloated belly with a baby somewhere in there. And for the record, I just passed 16 weeks and have only gained three pounds since my first weigh in with the midwives at 4.5 weeks. Pretty happy about that :) So, I don't know why my belly is so big, it just is. Perhaps because I have a short waist? Don't know. So what do you think? Am I really as big as they say?

At 12.5 weeks.....

At 16 weeks.....

Ok, no laughing people. :) I told you it was big.

And now every time my boys see someone with a big belly they ask them if there is a baby in there. Oh, talk about some awkward moments.

Little One,

I know we've been rather busy, but I promise that we are very excited to meet you and hold you and kiss your tiny cheeks. And if we could just fast forward to January, your mommy would be delighted. Just keep growing and doing your thing that little babies do in utero (not sure what that is...) and pay no attention to the people that think mommy's belly is much to big :)

We Love You,

Mommy and Daddy

Morning Conversations

2011-07-21T06:49:00.001-07:00

Each morning the boys and I sit down to eat our breakfast. Payton has a "brekbawr" (a nutrigrain bar, because that is all he will eat these days... oh, two year old power struggles) and Bunte and I usually have cereal and juice. Morning conversations typically fall around the days plans or how they laughed at mommy chasing the boxers in the backyard when I let the dogs out. But this morning's conversation was a little different.

We had made a quick grocery run yesterday to pick up some much needed toilet paper before the last roll had only one square to spare. I had not put the tp away and it was sitting by the table in the breakfast nook. The brand we bought uses bears to for its advertising. Bunte got a huge smile and said, "Mommy, mommy, look! It is just like us! The mommy bear is pink and she is swinging a little brown bear in the air!" Sure enough, he is right. My kids love to see other families, pretend or real, that look like us. It makes them feel normal. Thank you, Ch@armin brand TP, for making my sons day.

We are off to Ethiopian culture camp in a few hours to enjoy time surrounded by families like ours. Although the brutal heat and pregnancy nausea will make some parts of this camp not so great for me, I will have a smile on my face because I know my kids will feel "normal" for a few days. No stares. No rude intrusions from strangers. Just normal. :)

It made me smile...

2011-07-12T16:48:00.000-07:00

in the midst of this crazy pregnancy news, Wes and I have had some emotional moments... for many reasons. But mostly because people seem to be rejoicing "more" about this baby that about our adoptions. It hurts. They may not even realize it, but they are. I have two posts I've written, and not posted, about this very issue. Still not sure if I will post them. They are pretty raw. In the mean time, I am *finally* learning to embrace this pregnancy and not just put on my fake smile when people tell me "congrats" and go on and on and on (I mean, where was that when we announced the adoptions of our boys?!), followed by some "first time" mom advice, like I don't already have children of my own. It is becoming a more genuine smile now. We are excited about HER arrival (yes, a GIRL), but all this hoopla makes me worried for my boys. How will/do they feel? Do they notice? I am not sure.

However, my aunt Linda made me smile yesterday. She confessed to me that the other day she saw the cutest little Black girl, about Payton's age, bouncing around in store with precious braids and barretts. " She was beautiful," Linda said. And as she watched her, Linda thought..."oh, won't it be so cute when Wes and Diana have their little girl... she will look just like this :)." I love it. My aunt truly sees my little brown kids as MY kids. Not kind of like them. So much so that she envisions my future children having beautiful brown skin and tight curls too. Then she thought for a second as was like... "wait a minute. Not this baby. She will probably have curly strawberry blonde hair." But, I just loved that she could combine her excitement about our new child in a way that embraced what she already knows to be our children. And it just made sense to her... and to me. So cute.

Beachin'

2011-07-06T13:20:00.000-07:00

Last week we were fortunate enough to spend the week at Myrtle Beach. We had not been to that beach in while, but it was a good choice for the kids.

One day we went to a Matinee showing of Car2 (which I did not like, btw. Far too violent for my taste. Especially since we do not let our kids play with any kind of toy guns, swords, knives,lasers, etc. We are really discouraging violence of any type and I was torn between walking out, because everything was blowing up and being shot at, and staying, because my kids LOVED the first one and have been counting down the days to see the movie. Next time I will preview this movie first. Lesson learned. I just don't know why they have to make little kid movies so violent. I HATE IT. We made the best of it. OK, I'll get off my soapbox now.) We took the boys to "build-a-ride" after the movie. Bunte made a Lightening and Payton made a "cwusty" Mater (what he calls the rusty version of Mater). They loved it and are still playing with their far-too-expensive -for -what -they-are cars. After that we headed to Johnny Rockets for lunch. Again, the kids LOVED the dancing and the smiley face ketchup. They are so easy to please. It was a fun day!

Payton building his Mater.
We headed to the aquarium on another day. Again, I was disappointed in the quality of the aquarium. I felt like the tanks were too small and too crowded for the number of fish in them. However, it was very hands on and the kids had a great time.
I tried hard to get a good picture of the boys with the sea turtle in the background, but you can only do so much with a camera phone. If you look hard you can see the turtle behind Bunte's head. Payton was having a hard time sitting still because he wanted to get back on the train (the moving sidewalk thru the tunnel, under the largest tank.)
On our way down to the beach we took the opportunity to stop by my Aunt Meg's house. It was a fabulous visit! I love their dog, Duke. My boys enjoyed him too! They threw the ball deep into the woods and he was able to retrieve it every time. Good boy, Duke :)!
The first time Bunte's toes touched the Atlantic. A special moment.
Bunte catching his first real look at the ocean! That is a genuine smile! He is a beach bum for sure. Loved every minute of it!
So this picture was supposed to be a classic family pic with beach grass in the background. Ha. The sand was blowing so hard that we were all red from the wind and sand, Bunte had just sliced his toe pretty good on a sharp shell in the water and Payton is naked under the towel because he had just pooped in his trunks. TMI, I know. Just being honest that things aren't always what they seem :)
Ugly Brooke toes (my sister).
Cute Bunte toes :)
Look at him fly. I guess this is one advantage to having a tiny-tot. He is nearly 3 and only weighs 25 pounds, so he can still catch some serious air time.
Me and my baby boy.
Family time! Much better family picture. The smiles were genuine this time.
My sister and David with the boys.
Char and my aunt Linda with their daughter, Willow.
The boys loved tackling Daddy in the surf. If you look at Wes' face in the pictures below, I don't think he enjoyed it as much as they did...

Payton's "trick," as he calls it. He just balances there for a minute and then plops in the water. The he "pits" out the water in his mouth. (He still doesn't say the "s" sound at the beginning of words.)
Bunte's learned to swim!!!!!!! He is no expert, but took amazing strides in learning to swim at the beach. Proud mommy moment, for sure!
Look at him go!

We had a great time and have the itch to return already. I think I just might plan a short weekend trip!

The Top Twelve Reasons

2011-06-19T11:25:00.000-07:00

my husband is a great daddy to our boys. (In no particular order....)

1. He was willing to go not once, but twice, to Ethiopia to bring our boy home!
2. He loves to read to our boys!

3. He is man enough to cry a bit in front of our congregation as he shared the story of our adoption journey and as he watched our oldest son get baptized and become a member of God's family.

4. He takes time to chill and relax and spend time with our kids.
5. He is kid enough to play in the snow...
6. and go on Easter egg hunts.

7. And warmly embrace his little boy half way around the world.

8. And teaches his children about the wonder of God's creation
9. And helps them explore the world on hikes.
10. He is a devoted horse show dad...already.
11. He is a coach that loves to teach his kids about football!

12. He is soon to be a daddy to three! Surprise :) (It was for us, too!)

Happy Father's Day, Wes! We love you to the moon and back!

Pitter Patter Art

2011-06-17T07:04:00.000-07:00

Love Pitter Patter Art! Enter her giveaway here!

The Graduate

2011-05-29T20:37:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe B "graduated" from pre-school last week! It just seems surreal. Like we somehow crammed four years of parenting into the last five months. Just crazy. I must admit that I got a little teary watching him walk across the stage. I just could not stop thinking about the child he was five months ago when he first came home and the child he is today. Much remains the same, but today he is happy, healthy, giggly, confident, and proud. Soo, soo different than the little boy we met last October. He is growing so quickly and changing so fast that we can barely keep up... or keep him in clothes and shoes! He loved pre-K. He went 4 half days each week. I am hoping that this set a positive foundation for kindergarten in the fall. Overall, I was pleased with his school and so proud of him. His teacher called him "the enforcer" because he was always reminding the other kids to behave. Bunte does not like for anyone to get in trouble. Here are few of his graduation pictures:

B and his teacher, Ms. Tiffanie.
After receiving his "diploma" and medal.
Evidently, B wants to be a helicopter pilot. This is news to me! But what a cute picture!

Just thought I would document of few other Bunte-isms before his accent completely fades and he has totally mastered English...

1. He still continues to say "ning anound the nosy" when playing ring around the rosey.

2. When he sings Itsy, Bitsy Spider, he says the spider went "up the wada wa."

3. He always likes to point out "disc one" instead of "this one."

4. He doesn't play soccer... he plays "soccer baowl."

5. He loves playing with his doctor kit, or "fix it," but whenever he pretends takes someone's temperature he says they are "96.1 light fm Christmas." At first, we could not figure it out at all and then we realized that when he first came home (Christmas time) we would have the Christmas station on the radio (96.1 light fm). He is repeating their station identification.

6. He still can roll those Rs. The kid loves to tell us if something is dirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty.

7. He has an amazing sense of direction and can always tell where we are going, even if I did not tell him.

I am sure there are more... but its late and my brain is fried. But needless to say, I love this kiddo and I am so proud of him!

Pretty in Pastels

2011-04-30T19:47:00.000-07:00

My boys showed off their pastel colors Easter weekend. We had such a fantastic time with friends and family and celebrating that the stone was rolled away and that life conquers death.

On Saturday, we visited Grandma and GaGa's house and had MANY egg hunts.

Finding the first egg. I love his face in this picture!
A rare family picture.... that still leaves much to be desired. But I think we are mostly looking at the camera.
Look at those eyes!
Coloring Easter eggs. P insisted on wearing gloves.... evidence he really is my son (those of you that know me, know I where latex gloves any time I am doing anything remotely gross.)
I love B's expression in this picture! I think he must be wondering... a real egg, really?
Easter morning.
B egg hunting at MomMom and DadDad's house. Yep. On a farm you don't use baskets to gather the Easter eggs, you use the horse's water buckets :)
I had a great time hanging out with my family. I love this picture of my beautiful cousin and her dog, Izzy.
The day was complete once we unleashed the giant bubbles.

Happy Belated Easter (Fasika)!

It still hurts...

2011-04-30T12:19:00.000-07:00

Our first beautiful picture of our son, Bunte. June 2010.

I am going to try to share this part of our family's journey without violating too much of my son's privacy, as most of this story is his to tell. But part of it is our story, and one that still hurts.

Tears welled in my eyes one Friday night as my husband was honest, brave, and direct about his experience in Ethiopia. He told an abbreviated version of his story, our story, our son's story and the story of orphans waiting for the ones they will call family. This man I love demonstrated to me once again that his heart shares my passion as he unloaded this story onto complete strangers who inquired about our unique family. They were probably just wondering why this uber pale woman (me) had two cute little brown hands clasping her cheeks and why the little brown lips were yelling "Mommy, look at me!" Or maybe they were just noticing that our kids are 2 and 4...and act like it. Or maybe that noticed the sheer joy that bubbles up from under their smiles. Regardless, they flat out asked, "are they adopted? Are they brothers?" I smile,buying time to think about an appropriate response to "The Question" we field all too often. Meanwhile, the kids charm the strangers with their beautiful laughter. Wes answers, "Yes. and Yes." (We know what people mean when they ask if they are brothers, and in our opinion they are now. Right or wrong, we leave it at that most of the time.)

The couple continued to ask more questions, and even expressed an interest in adoption. Wes indulged them. Among other things, he said, "Ya know, people talk about Angelina and give her a bunch of crap for adopting more kids. (I think she is currently in the process again.) But how can they? Have they seen the hands of orphaned children waving through the gates of an orphanage as you walk away with one of their friends, their only family, wondering when it will be there turn? Have they had these children cling to them to just get a taste of affection? It changes you. You cannot forget their faces. That image is seared into my memory. Forever. I get it. I understand her choices."

Don't get me wrong, we don't really know Angelina's motivations for adopting, but if her experiences were anything like ours, we understand the choices she made/is making to build her family.

(Side note: Wes traveled without me to Ethiopia for the second trip for embassy. Bunte had a VERY difficult time leaving the orphanage and it was a very traumatic and emotional day for all involved parties. It was not the happy, hugging, you are my new son/daddy, moment you might be imagining.)

As Wes continued to share with strangers, I stood there, stunned, that my husband who is usually quiet about our family and our story, laid it on the line. The truth is, we have both had a lot of emotions bottled up for awhile about our journey and maybe we are finally ready to let it out. Truths that only we know (and maybe the few others that have made this journey through international adoption) and have been reluctant to share. Anger. Sadness. Brokenness. As we got into the car, my sweet husband said to me, "I could not look at you. I saw your cheeks get red and knew... [that I was crying]." You see, Wes knows me. He knows that my heart aches for the fatherless, the motherless, the orphan, and the waiting child. I've always felt this way, but after my trip to Ethiopia, these thoughts consume me. My passion grows.

The truth is, ever since our time in Ethiopia, and even upon Bunte's homecoming, I've been angry. We've been angry. It HURT to see children living this way. It HURT to watch his Dad hug him for the last time and leave tear stains on his shirt. It HURT to sit in a courtroom and watch surviving birth relatives relinquish custody of their precious children. It HURT to hold a 15 month old child that only weighed about 9 lbs because he never had proper nutrition. It HURT to hear that many parents who are forced (not by people, but by poverty) to relinquish their children to an orphanage often name their children "Don't Die" because that is their greatest fear and probable reality. It HURT to see a mother on the street holding her sick, severely emaciated child, begging for money. It HURT to feel utterly useless to change her situation. It HURT to walk away from the little hands at the care center and orphanage wanting to hold mine. And it continues to hurt. And as much as my heart ached, I can only imagine how much more their little heart's ache. How much more my son's father's heart is breaking tonight as he wonders what has happened to the precious son he named, "My Crown."

I witness many of these conditions and experienced many of these emotions on a brief mission trip to Jamaica that I participated in as a young adult. But this time was different. Perhaps because I am now a mom and know how awful it is to see your own child hurt. I don't really know why God opened my heart this time to be so incredibly saddened by the brokenness of our world. But He did.

And now I am angry that our world is so broken, so unfair, so polarized. Why is it some can have so much while others go hungry? Why do some live healthy lives to 100 while others die of diseases so young? Why is it some grow up in stable homes, with loving parents, access to education, and have all their needs met while other children beg for food to help their dying parents? Why is it some throw away half-empty bottles of clean water while others walk for miles just to have dirty water to drink? Does one's blessing have to come at the cost of another's curse? And, to be honest, I have cried out to God in anger that this is our world and that so many people do nothing about it. That He allows this pain to continue. The God I know is pretty tough, so he can handle my hurled accusations and frustrations. I feel a rage rise inside me when I see posts about foreign aid being "wrong" because we should care "about American's needs first." Americans, who in my opinion, did not earn or deserve access to so much more (food, water, education, medicine, etc) than the majority of the people in this world. It is simply by grace that we live in a land of plenty. I feel anger when people drop loads of money on completely extravagant, wasteful items. I am devastated by the continued selfishness of pharmaceutical companies that do not distribute medicine in appropriate ways when so many diseases could be so easily prevented. Diseases that caused my oldest son to become an orphan. I am angry when pop TV makes inappropriate comments about adoption and portray children

as easily replaceable commodities (saw it twice this weekend). Have they ever considered why these children are orphaned and why there are so many? I am angry with myself for the selfish decisions I make, and continue to make, in life. I am angry that I am still not doing more that I am to help those still waiting on someone to call family. Because I think about those little hands... the one's I left behind. These children are not TV ads. They are real people, with real needs, needing real homes, and real love. Many of their first families were forced to make an awful decision because of poverty and disease. I don't believe adoption is the answer to the world's problems. I believe adoption is a last resort for first parents who cannot find a better option. But if more of us cared about those in the world who are hurting, maybe there would be fewer orphans waiting for a place to call home. Maybe if we all just did our one little act of random kindness each day, more families could stay together forever.

Why God built our family this way is unknown to me. But it was known to Him long before that my precious little boys would call me their Mommy and Wes their Daddy. That I would be able to witness a broken body and a broken heart gradually heal. That it would be our blessing in life to be the ones that kiss their booboos, rocks them to sleep, and reads them bedtime stories. To be the ones that would give up everything for them. They each have one parent that already made that sacrificial choice and put their child's well being ahead of their own wants. They each have a birth parent that made a sacrifice out of love. I hope my boys will appreciate this as they grow.

There is so much we experienced during our adoption journey to bring Bunte home that I just cannot write about. It is too much. Too sad. Too broken. Too ugly. But some of it had to come out. As Bunte shares more and more of his stories

and emotions with us (that bring tears to my eyes regularly), maybe it is time to share some of ours. Even if it hurts.

Ultimately, we chose to adopt to build our family, not because we wanted to "save" anyone. We still don't think we were the ones that "saved" our children. There are many other adoptive families out there and they both may have found wonderful families. We don't really know what either of our children's futures would be without us as a part of their story. We can speculate (and sometimes I weep when I even let myself go there), but ultimately it was about being a family. We want a (somewhat) large family and choose this as our path to share our life with our children. However, this journey was life-changing. What if more people experienced personal encounters like this? Ones that change your world so much it is hard to look a life through the same lens, with the same perspectives and values, again. While my sadness is still great and the pain so very real, I am also blessed to experience so much more joy than I have ever known.

Each of Bunte's milestones seems so amazing to me. He is a reminder of hope and healing everyday. As we have struggled through attachment issues (an entire story for another day), medical issues, grieving issues and family issues, we have also witnessed how love and laughter cause a child to thrive and blossom. Our prayers answered. What if we (people living in lands of plenty) were less selfish? What if we shared the heart of a Man who sought to love "the least of these?"

We volunteered to share our adoption journeys with our church before Bunte came home. Things got a little crazy, then it was time to travel... twice, and we never got around to it. We've been invited to do it again, but I have not been eager to do it. After writing this post I think I now know why. I just wasn't ready to do so. Underneath the joy of our new family, we have a lot of hurt and anger about the ugliness, sin, and selfishness in our world. I cannot lie when I share this story and act like it was all beautiful and easy. Because it wasn't. It still isn't.

But I know that my tears returned a few days ago when I overheard my once-orphaned child praise his father for his compassion toward a homeless woman on the street. You see, my little boy knows and remembers what it is like to have a hungry belly, no clothes, no medicine, no clean water, no toys, no bed, no shoes, and no mother. His recent stories from his life in Ethiopia confirm this. He can fully empathize where I can only sympathize for those struggling with to live with so very little. While I pray his painful memories fade with time, I also hope that he never forgets to have compassion for those living in such conditions. Wes and I have always tried to give something to the people in need that we encounter on the streets, whether it be money, food, or a smile if we have nothing else to give. We recently passed a woman with a sign asking for assistance. Wes smiled and gave her the only $5 he had in his wallet at the time.

Bunte asked, "No food, Daddy." (Meaning, "does she not have food to eat?")

"Yes," Wes answered.

Bunte replied, "Good job, Daddy. I'm proud of you."

His heart is growing. He understands. We don't take credit for it. After all, he has 4 years and 4 months (at least) of his life that were molded by others. But I believe God watched his heart during this time and made Himself known to Bunte before we ever met him. We hope to continue to model these actions of compassion after of the One who made the greatest sacrifice. The Man who sought out those that society rejected. The One who has planted seeds of compassion in my husband's heart and my son's heart. I pray those seeds begin to sprout and that my boys will be part of the solution, not the sinful selfishness that permeates our nation and continues this growing divide between the haves and have-nots in our world.

Bunte, March 2011.

I don't really know why I wrote this long, rambling post. Heck, I don't even know who, if anyone, bothers to read these posts of mine. But maybe it was just to get it out there, off my chest. Maybe it was to believe that there is Hope. Hope that I can continue to have a compassionate heart without feeling bitter and angry about the injustices in this world. Just look at my little boy. He HAS changed. He has hope. He believes. He has joy overflowing.

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:40

Forever Family Day

2011-04-16T21:59:00.001-07:00

Today we celebrate that we are family forever. Two years ago today Payton legally became our son. Of course, in my heart he was my son from the moment those tiny five pounds rested in my arms. However, we spent the next seven months feeling a little anxiety over the fact that we still were not legally his parents. Our state requires a six month period after placement before you can file for adoption. Although there was really no reason to feel nervous that he would not be forever ours, my heart still jumped out of my chest every time the phone rang. What if....? The court procedure was very simple and we were not even there, but we anxiously awaited news that he was our son forever. Sweet relief. Payton, you are the sunshine in our lives and today we celebrate that we are, FOREVER, family!

More Firsts

2011-04-05T17:18:00.000-07:00

First time on the National Mall...

First day of PreK...
First surgery and hospital stay...

We've been a tad busy around here lately adjusting to a lot of changes. I went back to work (I try to think about this part of my life as little as possible when I am home, so not blogging about that!) B started preK and LOVES it. He goes M-Th, 9-12. We have a new sitter that comes to our house, she is FABULOUS, but Payton has struggled a bit with me going back to work. B had surgery on his teeth and gums due to his juvenile periodontitis. We are hoping that it was successful. We've been to NoVa quite a bit to visit friends and see the museum of natural history. A tad bit of an overload for both boys. We are still plugging along with the whole attachment thing. I struggle about how much to blog on this issue. I know some APs would love for me to be real about it on here to know that others share in your struggles (I am with you!) but I also know that this is accessible to anyone and I am just not sure how much I want to share on a public forum for the sake of my son's privacy. I guess the easiest way to summarize what we are experiencing is a quote from a fellow AP, Monica. She adopted her son and is currently in the process of adopting again. She said that, "Attachment is a marathon, not a sprint." She is so right. We are slogging (slow jogging for you non-runners :) along, but making progress.

Two and a Half

2011-03-31T15:09:00.000-07:00

My little guy turned two and a half this month and I still cannot believe it!

This tiny baby...

photo by Rebekah Girvan Photography

turned into this tiny tot! Full of life, sass, curiosity, love, attitude, and joy. I love him to the moon and back! (Our favorite thing to say to each other these days.)

Seriously, he melts my heart.

Hoping to do a little post about how my little man is changing and growing sometime soon.

First Milestone

2011-03-05T10:11:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I do get a little sad when I think of all the milestones I missed with my oldest son: first smile, first coo, first time rolling over, first tooth, first crawl, first steps, first word, and his first four birthdays! However, I did NOT miss this important childhood milestone: first loose tooth. B's front two bottom teeth have been relatively loose for quite some time and he has been begging me to pull them out. I kept refusing because they really weren't loose enough just yet. But his little brother was willing to help. P loves to tackle B. My little 24 pound ball of muscle can wrestle his 42 pound big brother to the ground pretty darn fast. They do this a lot and so far no one has been hurt. Well on Monday the boys were wrestling and P hit B's mouth on the edge of the table. B said, "No, ouch Payton." But did not seem terribly upset. Then I noticed the blood dripping from his mouth. P had successfully knocked the tooth out! B was not at all upset! He was delighted and beaming with pride. We had to call Daddy, go show the grandparents, and take a picture! We did not really tell him about the tooth fairy as I think the idea is just to hard to explain to someone who does not know English well. So we put it under his pillow and I told him in the morning the tooth would be gone and there would be money. The tooth fairy did come and left B a whopping $5... because that was the ONLY cash she had in her wallet.

Now he is begging me to pull out the other one... so he can "feed his pig." (Put money in his piggy bank.)

By the way, as of yesterday B has been home for THREE MONTHS! I can hardly believe it. In so many ways, it feels like he has always been here.

The Mom Games

2011-02-26T15:07:00.001-08:00

I recently stumbled upon a video from "The Mompetition." By the way, her blog is hysterical. I am going to add a link on my side bar soon. I checked out a few of these videos, and while some are a little crass, they really are not far from the truth in many ways. I particularly find this one and this one to be entertaining. But these little clips got my wheels turning about modern mommyhood. The modern mom has somehow become the competitor in the on-going reality series "mom vs mom." I am not sure why the modern mom is so competitive. Maybe it has always been this way but I never noticed because I was not a mom until now. Not sure. I am blessed to have a core group of 3 or 4 "mom friends" that I can confide in, be honest with, and simply enjoy without the pressures of "playing" these games. But the random encounters, the play groups, the acquaintances, and the cyber world are filled with moms who want to compete...and judge at the same time. I confess that I occasionally engage in the mom game, but as you will see below, I could not possibly hold a candle to these super moms, so I this is my official withdrawal from the games.

I think we are currently in an era where there is a backlash to the feminist progressive agenda in the 70s and 80s, and at the same time a resurgence of feminism from the children of those feminists. We are in a era where people are expected to "be green" and enjoy simplicity and nature while also have purchased and mastered every new tech gadget available. We are in an era where people are critiquing and blaming public schools for all of society's ills, but at the same time wanting their children in every possible AP class, extra curricular, sport, and debate club. These contradictions make it hard to be the perfect mom in this era. How can you do all of these things at the same time, anyway? What characteristics define this perfect mommy? I would love to hear your ideas. I did my own "investigating" and came to the following conclusions:

The modern mom is an ever evolving stereotype for each generation. Think of TV mom icons like June Cleaver (Leave it to Beaver), Carol Brady (The Brady Bunch), Clair Huxtable (Cosby Show), Jill Taylor (Home Improvement) and Bree Van de Camp (Desperate Housewives) . My oh my, has the modern mom evolved over the ages! The descriptions below (laden with sarcasm, of course) are the 8 points of perfection of what I have gathered our society , umm scratch that, maybe not society, but what qualities other modern moms (based on our current media, mom blogs, facebook, literature) deem necessary to earn the label of a "good" mother.

1. She must be totally green! She prepares only organic food and homemade/homegrown everything for her family. She cloth diapers her children to ensure the viability of our planet. She proudly "wears" her children, co-sleeps, and free parents (but her children are perfectly scheduled...hmmm?). She recycles everything. She has no plastic toys in her home. She does not vaccinate her children to avoid any harmful additives in medicine from ruining her children's bodies. Finally, she must breastfeed her children until they are at least one year old. She certainly would never give them *gasp* formula. She should not even have a bottle in her home.

2. She stays at home. She certainly does not let other people care for her children. Moreover, she home schools her children to ensure they are not corrupted by "the system."

3. She must be a size 6 or smaller. Oh yes, we have not strayed from pop media here, have we ladies? The modern mom must be able to sport skinny jeans to show off that cute baby bump. It should not be an issue because the modern mom should only consume organic food and certainly works out everyday to keep her perfect figure.

4. She is dressed to impress. She has make up on...always, but not too much. She sports super trendy clothes that are designed to look like they don't cost a dime, but are really from some up scale boutique and cost a fortune.

5. Her children are the image of perfection. She has invested everything in her children and they are her trophy. Thus, she has perfectly behaved children (at least she thinks she does) dressed in perfectly preppy name brand or homemade clothes. They are the stars of the soccer team and also play in a band, have a black belt in karate, and are on their way to earning a full scholarship to Yale.

6. She has mastered the cyber world (Blog, Facebook, etc). Her cute mommy blog is well designed and has at least 300 "followers." She posts all of her children's accomplishments on her facebook wall, such as the "potty" success of her perfectly potty trained 10 month old, just to make sure all of her other "friends" know what failures they are at parenting since their three year olds are still not fully potty trained.

7. Her children NEVER watch TV. It rots their brains.

8. Her house is perfectly neat, perfectly clean, and perfectly organized.

Wow, fellow moms, the bar sure has been set high! If you have achieved all of the above, congratulations.

But I , for one, have not. And after two years of putting myself under the mommy microscope, I am deciding to let it go. I am not my generations version of June Cleaver and never will be... EVER! And I have decided that it does not make me a bad mom! My kids are HAPPY. My kids are learning. My kids are thriving. And as long as I am doing the best I can for my children, it is enough.

So here is how I rank on the perfect mom standards

1. Totally green: Negative

Now there is nothing wrong with being green at all. If more people receycled our planet would be healthier. We try to pull our green weight around here, but we are far from perfection.

-I buy organic milk and pasta, but my kids still eat easy mac and pbjs at least once a week, and we eat out... a lot. After working all day the very last thing on my mind is cooking for my family. We are trying out emealz soon to add variety to our dinners and see if this helps us eat home more often. I have heard great things from people who use it.

- I cloth diapered for three months... then I went to work and realized I don't have time to do laundry every day. So disposable it is! I donated the cloth diapers to an orphanage in Ethiopia where they will definitely be used.

-Baby wearing. Now this might be my one shining star in modern parenting. I have the sling, the bjorn, the mai tai, the ergo... you name it, I've worn it. And I still wear my two year old. As an AP (adoptive parent) I have found it great for attachment parenting , blah blah blah, but honestly, the reason I do it is because I find it easier than dealing with a stroller!

- We recycle our cans, plastics, cardboard...but we still use at least one roll of paper towels every two days. It is just faster and easier. And quite honestly, sponges gross me out. I just think of them as festering petri dishes.

-My kids favorite toys are made from plastic... in China. Sure we have Melissa and Doug this and that and they do enjoy them. But they really want the plastic stuff that beeps and blinks!

- My kids are 100% vaccinated! And yes, that includes the *gasp* MMR shot! I have one child with a relatively week immune system. The last thing I need is some preventable disease landing us in the hospital. I could go into an entire rant on this one, but suffice it to say, I think getting kids the proper immunizations is important.

-As far as the breastfeeding is concerned, I get a big fat F. My youngest was bottle fed and my oldest did not come home until he was 4 (so certainly not breast fed by me!). If I had a dollar for every mom who told me, "You know, you could breast feed him (Payton, my younger child) if you want to. Just because he is adopted doesn't mean you can't." Okay, first of all I would have had to pump my body full of hormones to do that. Ick. Second of all, research suggests that adoptive mom's who do that are usually not able to provide enough milk and still need to supplement. And you know what, I think my formula fed baby is right on track developmentally. Now, he was NOT able to write his name at 6 months of age, but he has met every milestone pretty much on time. And in his Mama's eyes, he is perfectly perfect.

2. Stays at home: Negative.

- I work. I love being at home with my kids! I mean, LOVE it. And if we could swing it, I would stay home until both of my kids are in school. Those of you that can are very privileged! Enjoy it! We have a sitters that watch our kids. This working mama (and daddy too) fly thru the house like a whirlwind each morning. Then I spend 730 am to 4 or 5 pm working with other peoples children before returning to my own. I piece together a quick meal, enjoy 1-2 hours of playtime with the kids before starting the bedtime routine, then I crash for an 30 minutes or so in front of the TV to decompress before spending the rest of the evening working on lesson plans and grading papers. Teachers cannot leave their work when they leave the building. If I did, my students would NEVER have any of their work graded. I have a new prep (AP US History) this year so I am hoping next year will be a tad less time consuming. Oh, did I mention that I am public school teacher. So, home schooling my kids, not going to happen. I believe in *gasp* the public system and the idea of equal opportunity. It is, after all, why I entered education. On principle. The idea that a free nation must have an educated citizenry. Yes, it is idealistic. But I am passionate about it. Ok... I just need to stop here! I am about to go into a crazy teacher rant and expose my *gasp* liberal roots.

3. Skinny: Negative.

-Pretty sure I have gained at least 15 lbs since I became a mom. I once found time to train for a marathon, pre-kids. Now I *maybe* run three miles once or twice a week.

4. Dressed to impress: DOUBLE NEGATIVE.

- I don't wear make up. I don't have time. I get my hair cut once a year. It is still wet when I arrive at work because I don't even style it when I get out of the shower in the mornings. 15 minuts of sleep Vs. 15 minutes of hair styling. Ummm... sleep is going to win every time. High school students think teachers are old and boring anyway, so I doubt they even notice my unkempt self.

-Trendy clothes, HA! I hate to shop. I don't think I have ever even been to a boutique. If I am home, I wear a hoodie, workout pants, and my running shoes. If I am at work, I wear black pants, my ugly teacher shoes, and a plain colored top. Boring, yes! But I am always comfortable! Comfort before beauty is my motto.

5. Perfectly behaved, perfectly dressed children: NEGATIVE.

-Have you met my firecracker of a two year old that likes to shout the word "poop?" Particularly when everyone else is quiet.

-However, my kids do look cute in their thrift store clothes. My Aunt Linda and Char find the most adorable outfits for my kids. I am glad someone else has a sense of style... because I sure don't.

6. Blog/facebook/etc:

-Well I blog. And I Facebook. But not well. I don't have any theme to my blog and I rarely even proofread before I publish a post. And I am lucky to post once a week. As for Facebook, I am an addict. But I am not a good f-book friend and I rarely even wish people happy birthday even though facebook so kindly reminds me every day. Ugh. What a terrible person I am.

7.Never, Ever, lets their children watch TV: Negative.

-My kids watch at least 30 minutes of TV while we get ready in the mornings. Moreover, when I am desperate, I whip out the old faithful *gasp* D*sney movies. The current favorite is CARS. How can I corrupt my kids so! Um, it is called sanity. And sometimes I just need it!

8. Clean House: Nope.

-My house is cleaner and more organized than say, the homes of people of the TV series Hoarders. But lets be real. I have three dogs, two boys, and we live on a farmette. My floors always have a few globs of hair and manure on them. That's just how it is on a farm. If I obsessed over keeping my house perfectly clean, I would never have time to play with my children. Instead, we try our best to pick up here there, scrub the floors before the social worker visits for a post placement, and stuff everything in closets when we have guests.

So I am officially a failure at the mom games if I am judged by the 8 points of perfection in the mom games. However, as a working mom I rarely have time to compete anyway. Most competitions occur on playgrounds, in preschool pickup lines, and play dates. Working moms don't really attend these events... because we are working. But I am officially forfeiting on my last competition ground: the cyber world. I am throwing in the towel. Tapping out. The only team I am going to play for from here on out is my kids' team. Allowing myself to feel like a don't hold a candle to all you fab June Cleavers out there makes me less of a parent. It is time for me to embrace the "just doing what it takes to get thru each day and keep my kids happy and healthy" me. And it is time for me to accept His Grace in all areas of my life, including motherhood. After all, my kids opinions matter much more than some random mother at the park or someone I don't really even know out there in cyber world. And my kids, they think I am pretty awesome. Just last nite, my little man told me I was his favorite friend. My heart was in a puddle beside his bed.

And finally, as a Christian, I believe that I am not really deserving of the Grace that has been so generously offered to me. After all, that is what makes grace unique. You don't earn it or win it or deserve it. It just is. It is time for me to bask in His Grace. The Grace that looks past all of my ugliness and competitiveness and my not-so-great parenting moments (ummmm... like letting the kids watch CARS for the third time this week). This place is such a better to place to be. My mommy games are over. If you are a mom that has been competing and quite frankly have grown weary from playing, please know there are some of us out there who promise not to judge if you are using disposable diapers, letting your kids watch Sesame Street in the mornings, and are ready to scream and die of embarrassment after your three year old says "oh, sh*t" as loud as possible... at church. I've been there. Heck, I live in that mommy-hood, not the perfect one. Moreover, there is a loving God that offers peace and grace in the midst of this crazy season of life. Maybe you know Him, maybe you don't. I am not here to judge that either.

Below are some pictures one of my favorite (safe and non-judging) mommy friends snapped of me and the kids at the park. I love it because she caught the real us on camera: me in my preferred attire (sweats), Payton eating a fruit snack that he just dropped on the ground, and Bunte being his goofy self. But most of all, I love that they are happy. My kids are filled with JOY. There joy does not come from my parenting alone. It comes from a Source much greater. The Spirit moves in my children. I wish I could be more like them and see joy in everything, everyday. But goodness knows I see Joy in my kids. They make me smile... a lot :). Especially when they yell poop as loud as possible at the grocery store :).

The same day that these pictures were taken there was young Black woman at the park. I noticed her watching my boys for quite some time. As we were about to leave, she looked at me and said, "You are so lucky!" I just smiled and said, "You are so right! Thank you for reminding me!" As APs, Wes and I often hear stuff like, "what you are doing is so great....blah blah blah." But the reality is we did not do anything special. We are parents like so many other people out there. We are the ones who are blessed. Very blessed to have these beautiful boys. To hear this young woman says this was such a breath of fresh air. She gets it. She sees the Joy in my boys. She knows that we have, indeed, been blessed.

So the Mom Games can continue on.... without me. Whatever way you parent is your business, not mine. I am just going to enjoy my kids. Any thoughts from other moms out there about their experiences playing in the mommy games?

Adoption Themed Jewelry, Gear, and Books

2011-02-19T16:48:00.001-08:00

Just wanted to share a few sites that have great adoption related gear! These all would make AWESOME baby shower/child welcoming gifts for a waiting adoptive mama! This is a work in progress and is by no means a complete list of books and gear. I have just seen a lot of wonderful ideas shared recently and wanted to compile a list before I lost track of them all.

Jewelry:

Junk Posse (I got my "Hands for Africa" pendant here and I had "Little K" engraved on the back. I wore this during our wait to bring him home. This pendant will be Bunte's when he is grown (up enough to have it/wear it without losing it)! Some of the designs benefit various people's adoption. Check it out!)

bel kai designs (My wonderful husband let me pick out my own Valentine. I ordered the "family tree" pendant and had it customized for our family. Picture to follow when it arrives!)

Hope Bracelets (I don't have one...yet. But the purchase of these bracelets provides funding to the Foundation of Hope and Grace that gives grants to adoptive families... and many other things as well.)

DaisyDream4us (Fellow adoptive mom using her gifts to create beautiful jewelry to help fund her adoption.)

Light Gives Heat (Awesome bead jewelry made in Africa and its proceeds are actually for the people who make it. Great way to "be the change.")

Little Goody 2-Shoes (Bottle cap necklace with Africa in the center made by an 11 year old girl who uses the proceeds to buy shoes for people in Africa who need them. I love this girl's heart!)

Stationary:

Mandy's Moon (This site has great ideas for adoptive parents. Not to mention it celebrates multiculturalism! I ordered some awesome address labels!)

Dolls:

Sitina Dolls (Wonderful dolls made by a Nigerian woman. A great conversation starter about the love first moms and adoptive moms have for a child.)

Books for Adoptive Parents (and family of adoptive parents):

In on it: What adoptive parents would like you to know about adoption. (I have not read this book yet, but will post a review when I do. It is great idea for families members to read while an adoptive family is journey down the hard road of THE WAIT.)

The Connected Child by Karen Purvis (One of favorites! Great ideas for attachment parenting and healing. This book is particularly appropriate for parents with children that joined their families as "older children."

There Is No Me Without You by Melissa Faye Greene (Such an amazing story about a woman's journey to help children orphaned by AIDS. I have never cried so much as I did when I read this book and after going to Ethiopia the story is so much more real to me.)

Black Baby White Hands by Jaiya John (I wish I could have everyone that knows my kids read this book. I know it probably won't happen, but I think it would change the way people interacted with my children and would keep well-meaning people from saying "I don't see color" etc. This is a personal story told by an adult adoptee who grew up in a transracial family. It is HARD to read. Not because it is hard to understand, but because it hurt my heart to read about his pain. I hope my kids never feel as isolated as he did at times. Reading this book helped me understand the impact and importance of environment and relationships have on my children.)

Children's Books About Adoption:

Yafi's Family: and Ethiopian boy's journey of love, loss, and adoption. (Great story and discussion started for families to discuss adoption.)

God Found Us You by Lisa Tawn Bergren: To this day, I cannot read this book without getting teary. Such a sweet reminder to our children how much we longed for them and prayed for them before we ever knew them by name.

Tell Me Again About the Night I was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis (Great story about domestic infant adoption. It is such a cute book and appropriate for very young children. P loves this one!)

Art:

jodi queenan (She has AMAZING artwork. I purchased this print from her when we started the process for little B. We hung it in the boys bathroom (it matches the paint in that room best.) Anyhow, yesterday I was giving him a bath and he pointed to it and said, "Mommy (points to the fair-skinned lady) Bunte (points to the dark-skinned baby)." While he is not a baby, he definitely could relate to the picture. And it led to some deeper discussion. I love art work and literature that mirrors our family, simply because we can relate and because it is obviously not as mainstream and easy to find as art and literature about families created the "traditional" way. When I went back to visit her site, I saw they she now does jewelry and life books as well! Awesome! I was also thinking that I would like to purchase a print for the boys room at some point. I like this one and this one. Which would you choose? Finally, she gives some of her profits the Kolfe Youth Orphanage in Addis.

Other Ideas:

Pitter Patter Art (Awesome selection of art and clothing with adoption themes. She also just has absolutely adorable kid stuff!)

For Such As These (A fellow adoptive mom waiting on her son in Ethiopia. Her daughter is making hand bags with an Africa print.)

Stitches So Sweet (This adoptive mom does amazing embroidery and custom decals! She even has baby bloomers and bibs with Africa designs. They are too cute!)

Our Heart in Ethiopia (Vinyl decals of Africa with a heart stamped in Ethiopia. These would make great additions to kid's rooms or gear!)

Mini Family Vacation to Great Wolf

2011-02-16T14:20:00.000-08:00

So many people have suggested taking the kids to Great Wold Lodge. We decided we would celebrate our 15 years together by going the Great Wolf. So (not) romantic. However, it was a great time as a family! We were not overly impressed with the service and the prices are... ridiculous! However, we were able to keep the costs lower because we went mid-week, did not purchase any food from their snack bars (in fact, we only consumed one meal at Great Wolf) and did not buy any "extras." They allow you to attach your credit card to your wrist band so it would be super easy to spend a ton of money really fast! But we were able to scoot out of there without falling prey to the gimmicks of theme parks.

A (decent) family photo. My hair looks awful, but at least we are all looking at the camera. Improvement!
We did eat lunch at GW the last day we were there and the boys got free wolf ears to compliment our over-priced, bland meal. If you go to GW, take your own food!

While I was not impressed with the service, food, or prices, I was totally impressed with the water park. The life guards were super vigilant, the water park was very clean, and the rides were totally appropriate for EVERYONE! This alone made the trip worth our time and money. We all had a blast at the water park. Not to mention that we were able to pretend it was an 84 degree summer day for two days because they park is heated year round!

We swim every weekend at our local gym, but this was the first time Bunte really learned to be independent in the water (with a life vest) and figured out how to make himself go where he wanted to go! We were so proud of him! He went on all the "big" water slides that he was allowed to and he even went "swimming" (again, with a life vest) in the wave pool!
Payton was obsessed with the GIANT bucket of water that fills and spills every 5 minutes. It has a warning bell, so every time the bell rang, Payton said, "watch, Mommy! The bucket!" (except his B sounds like an F). Ha! Payton really only lasted for about two hours each day in the park. The loud noises just got to be to much and he plugged his ears. However, I was so proud of him for going on one of the "big" slides. My tiny tot looks so grown in this picture!

The boys loved the cozy little "wolf den" in their room! Payton was terrified to go in at first, but after a day of water park, he was to exhausted to notice. He slept on the bottom bunk, all by himself. It was the first time he has ever slept in a "big boy" bed! *tear*

(Side note: the boys are wearing matching outfits in all of these pics, but I promise I don't usually dress them this way! It just kind of happened.)

Trouble!

2011-02-16T14:03:00.000-08:00

On Wednesdays I have my two boys plus my four year old nephew! I am so thankful the weather permitted us to enjoy another farm day! So much fun!

She's No Secretariat...

2011-02-09T12:34:00.000-08:00

But to us, SHE IS GOLDEN!

Daisy all "prettied up" for hunt night in 2008. Look how tiny P was then?!

P and Daisy at a horse show last summer.

Fox hunting with Wes and Brooke.

Chillin' at the in gate on Hunt Night at a show in Nov 2010.

Daisy taking care of my little man in December 2010.

Competing in Special Adults at a local show in 2008.

(Warning: this post has a lot of horse jargon. If you are not a horse person, you may be a bit confused.)

The other night Wes and I put the kids to bed and stayed up late to watch Secretariat. It was a wonderful movie! Of course I have always known the story, but I was a) totally impressed by Secretariat's athleticism and b) impressed by his owner's faith and the strength she possessed to get him to the top. I will never own a Secretariat or have the money to purchase a ready-made, wins-the-blues-at-Devon type of horse. But I sure do have one stellar little mare and watching Secretariat made me think about just how lucky we are to have her and how glad I am that we made the decision to keep her.

Her beginnings were quite humble to say the least. It has been over six years now since my sister got a call from an older gentleman that was downsizing his farm and wanted her to look at some horses as possible school prospects for my mom. She went out to see them and was not impressed. Then she asked him about the "little" mare in the field. He said he would sell her if Brooke was interested, but the mare had never had a saddle or bridle on before as she only two years old. Brooke grabbed a lead rope and a halter, hopped on her in the field, and said, "We'll take her," and brought her back to my parent's barn. At that time Wes and I stilled lived about an hour away. I came home over the weekend and my mom told me to ride the new chestnut mare while she and Brooke headed off to a horse show. I did. No major problems.

They returned and asked me how the ride went.

I replied, "Okay I guess. But she doesn't bend at all and she seemed a little hesitant to jump." My Mom gasped, " You jumped her!"

"Yeah, why not?" I replied.

"Because she has only been ridden three times...ever!" (Ooops.)

But it was then I knew there was a little something special this quite rotund, slightly shaggy, chestnut mare. A few weeks later my mom asked me if I wanted to buy her before she advertised her for sale for anyone else. Wes and I chatted about it and decided it would be a good investment.

Fast forward a few months and I am riding her at a show in Lexington VA. She was going around a 2'6" course like a pro. I was beaming with pride. There is nothing fancy about this girl, but she is so darn cute that she has her own fan base. Really. We don't get to too many shows these days, but people still know her name. Little girls I don't know come and kiss her and say, " I love Daisy." It is cute. Anyhow, at this show, her first ever at the ripe age of 3, we were sitting at the in-gate waiting for our division flat class, and someone came up and offered to purchase her for 5 times our investment. She was ready to cut a check right there on the spot. They wanted her as a hunt prospect. I called Wes to see if he was interested. He siad, "I just can't do it... she's like...family." I agreed. Looking back, I am so grateful that Wes (a newbie to the horse world when we married) had the foresight to keep our "Fat Mae," as we lovingly call our hefty "Belgian/Quarter Horse cross that looks like a Haflinger but is officially registered as a Spotted Draft Horse."

She is perfect. She is a super star for me in the show ring. She can carry Wes around the hunt field (granted he looks a little ummm...interesting on our large pony- yes, she measures just under 14' 2 hands, making her officially a pony). And best of all, I can pull her out of the field, on a cold winter day, when she has not been worked in nearly two weeks, and trust her to take care of my kids. They both can walk and trot on her and she takes care of them. This girl is worth more than a million dollars to us and we wouldn't trade her for anything. I cannot wait until the boys are steady enough to take her out in the fields on their own. Some of my best child hood memories are galloping through the fields, laughing and screaming, without a care or fear in the world. I hope they will enjoy it as much as I did... and still do. But now, I also enjoy a quite walk, just me and my Daisy Mae, soaking up the sun and enjoying the quiet sounds of nature and the beauty of God's creations. I wish I could squeeze in a little more of those rides these days.

I love you, Sweet Daisy Mae. And thanks, Brooke, for giving this little mare a chance and seeing her potential. She is SO worth it!

Fun on the Farm

2011-02-02T13:32:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago Bunte finally got on a horse for the first time. He was terrified when he first arrived but seeing picutres of Payton horse showing sure changed his level of fear! He was demanding to jump and canter. He had to settle for walking and trotting with somebody leading him. However, I do think he has potential! Look for him in the short stirrup ring this summer!
My nephew, Bryden, spends Wednesday afternoons with us (at least until I go back to work.) Thankfully, today was perfect farm weather. They had a blast!
They loved on one of the "bottle baby" goats. This little one was a twin and its mommy picked it up by the leg and threw it across the barnyard. She refused to feed so now it lives in the tack room and the farm and gets loved on by anyone who hears her pitiful little cry.
Bryden finally worked up the nerve to get on Daisy. He was pretty scared, but I am so proud of him! He did it!
When they were finished riding and giving Daisy treats, they decided is was time to clean. They each grabbed a pitch fork and scraped up loose pieces of hay to "feed to the horses." Will let them think they did a lot of work ;). They really did do this for almost 45 minutes and were mad that I made them stop to get snacks and take a nap. Life is so hard.

Have I Mentioned...

2011-01-30T22:02:00.000-08:00

that I absolutely adore this little guy! Lately Payton has just made us laugh and laugh. He is truly a charmer. Just the other night, after he finished his meal, Payton asked me to cuddle him. I scooped him up and he placed his not-so-tiny head on my shoulder, twirled my hair as he always does, and sang in his whispery cartoon voice, "You are mine shun-shine." And as he sang, I tuned out everything around me. How in the world was I so blessed to have this child for a son? Thank you, God. May his little heart grow sweeter and sweeter as he grows bigger and bigger.

His name is NOT Bute!

2011-01-26T13:29:00.000-08:00

Well, it is but it is not spelled the way it sounds.

Since B has been home, we have had doctor's appt after appt to try and catch up with his vaccinations, fix his teeth, etc. Anyhow, every single time we call to make an appointment or show up, the receptionist call him Bute, but pronounce it incorrectly. And each time they do it really irritates me because I think of the giant pills we give the horses to reduce inflammation (phenylbutazone, nicknamed bute). My child is not named after medicine.

His name is pronounced boo-tah.

We had to re-program our brains to say boo-tah instead of boo-tay, as we had practiced for so long in our heads while we waited to meet him. And we were not crazy for thinking his name was boo-tay as the kids at the orphanage called him boo-tay (because the Amharic-speaking nannies called him boo-tay). However, we soon learned this was incorrect when his birth father corrected us and informed us that in Sidmigna his name is pronounced boo-tah and it means "my crown."

I do worry about this a bit when B goes to school. I am a teacher and I know that kids are mean. When we complete B's re-adoption in VA we are changing his first name to Bunte (boon-tah) in hopes that we can spare him from all the cruel butt jokes his peers may tease him with over the years.

Any other APs get irritated with the constant mispronunciation of your child's given name?

So if you know my boy, please pronounce his name correctly. I am trying to be forgiving, but I am so over correcting people.

I cried.

2011-01-25T12:55:00.000-08:00

P-man all hooked up.

Payton was admitted to the hospital on December 1 for pneumonia as result of asthma complications. Luckily, his sitter (one of my fab friends) rushed him to the pediatrician for me and then my mom rushed him to the hospital from the doctors office while I finalized some lesson plans at school and tried to get coverage for my classes. Of course, it was not convenient as I was trying not to miss work because I would be taking off soon when B got home. Of course, I was hard core nesting because Bunte was coming home in just three days and being stuck in the hospital was the last thing I wanted to do. Of course, I was in panic mode thinking of all things that needed to be done at the house toprepare for Bunte and Wes' arrival and how much our lives were about to change. Of course, I was missing my husband terribly as he was half a world a way in Ethiopia. Of course, I was at my wits end trying to contain a wiggle worm of a two year old in a hospital bed with all of his monitors and IVs. But none of that brought on the tears.

It was the thought of the mothers in Ethiopia holding their children, sick with pneumonia, crying out for God's mercy and miracles, but knowing that really these moments were some of the last they would have with their child. They were watching their child struggle and gasp for a few last breaths and listening to the gurgles and wheezing of the dying child. A simple round of antibiotics would have probably saved the child's life. But there aren't many drugs available in Ethiopia and there is only one doctor to every 200,000 + people and specialists are even fewer: one pediatrician for every 4.5 million people. Staggering. So in the wee hours of the nite I held my baby boy and sobbed. It broke my heart that he felt to miserable, but I knew his IV antibiotics would do the trick and he would be on his way home eventually. I was praying for sooner rather than later, given that I was supposed to pick up my husband and new son at the airport in just two days! But I was also praying and weeping for those mothers that were losing their children forever, right at that moment. Ethiopia opened my eyes. Hearing mothers plead for money to feed their children, watching kids dig thru the wilted scraps of produce left on the roadside, walking past grown men whose backs are so severely deformed that they have to walk on all four limbs to get about the city, and seeing the long lines of people, at least 1,000 strong, weave in and around the buildings as they waited fruitlessly to have a turn in the medical clinic. How spoiled are we!? How selfish are we?! We Americans tend to have an out of sight, out of mind mentality. We somehow justify our expensive homes and cars because we "worked" for it and "earned" it. Or we think just because we mailed a donation to some philanthropy that we have done our share. Or we think the problem is so big, what difference can I really make, so why bother? I am guilty of it. I know it. But God allowed my eyes to be open while we were in Ethiopia and it has freed me from *some* of materialistic dreams that really did limit my happiness. I am a work in progress and I have so much to be thankful for.

Picture of some of the kids we saw on the street in Addis when we were there in October.

My heart was stirred to write this post after I finished reading the book This is a Soul: THe mission of Rick Hodes by Marilyn Berger. We did minimal Christmas gifts this year an Wes so thoughtfully, choose this as my gift. As I read it, I was touched by this man that uses every moment of every day to drastically change and save lives of cancer, TB, and heart patients thru out the world, but mostly in Addis Abeba, Ethiopia. He witnesses extreme suffering and loss every day, but still he continues. He is the personification of altruism. He truly is amazing. I also love that Dr. Hodes, an Orthodox Jew, embraces religion and the healing power of faith. God can work above the dividing lines of organized religion. He can unite. And when He does, it is beautiful. The book is titled after Rick's belief that his patients are not just a "case of _____" or a statistic, but rather a SOUL that deserves to be loved and listened to, regardless of circumstance. That is why he takes a picture of his patients along with their x-rays or labs. What if our doctors here, in the US, cared for us in such a manner. Would our health care be better? Think about it.

I cannot save the world, but I can send a few bucks to help Dr. Hodes, one of the few doctors in Ethiopia, provide antibiotics at $.50 a pill to a small child or an ailing mother, and save their life. If you would like to join me in supporting him financially, check out this website. I can send a little money to a fellow AP heading to Addis so she can purchase some formula for Drawn from Water while she is in Ethiopia. And I can and did bring home,raise, and love one of the sweetest boys God put on this planet. You see, as Marilyn Berger writes in This is a Soul, altruism can bring more happiness and joy to the giver. My heart explodes with joy when I hear of new adoptive families or families that are in the beginning stages of adoption. Not because one little boy or girl will have a family, but also because I know of the joy that comes from being an adoptive parent and walking thru this journey. They will soon taste it. And it is addicting. What does God have in store for our family? I don't know? But I have a feeling Africa has not seen the last of us...

Sanity

2011-01-24T14:47:00.000-08:00

is hard to come by these days. I love being a mama to these two boys, but this adjustment is hard. Some of the pieces I share on here, but much of it is private. B doesn't need or deserve to have all of his emotional stuff/medical stuff/etc available for the whole world to read. One of the greatest challenges right now (besides Payton being a typical two year old), is the language barrier between B and I. Because he picks up on things so quickly and he is very aware of EVERYTHING I sometimes forget that he cannot fully comprehend my long explanations of things. In fact, P's conceptual understanding is actually better than B's. Some of the cute things B's says these days that remind me he is not really fluent in English just yet...

1. He rolls his Rs.

2. Light means light, hot, dangerous, sun, moon, star, etc

3. Downstairs is upstairs and upstairs is downstairs... and I correct him every time, but he still says the opposite.

4. Shinte and kaka. Oh, how Wes and I hate this one! It leads to many stares when we are in public and he asks to shinte (Amharic for pee) and then Payton proceeds to copy him (because he copies EVERYTHING B does) by saying, "Mommy, I sh*t in potty, too!" Yep. We cuss in public a lot these days. Hopefully these potty words will go by the wayside soon.

5. Ferras. Amharic for horse. B's first language is not Amharic and I don't think he knows much Amharic, but he does use this word. It is kind of strange that he uses it because he refuses to speak Sidama-afoo (Sidamigna) if anyone but W or myself is present. He wants to be English-only. However, today he taught P to count to 10 in Sidama-afoo (Mite, Lame, Sase, Shole, Onte, Le, Lamala, Sete, Honse,Tonne).

6. Lightening McClean. Lighting McQueen has a new name in our house, no matter how many times we correct him.

8. Every object in our house has its owner identified multiple times a day. I think part of this stems from B's orphanage experience. He never owned anything before he came to the US. He constantly wants me to explain who owns each item. If I answer by saying "family" or "shared" or "all of us," well my explanation is lacking in his opinion. He is upset that we only have three dogs, so we don't each own one. He is upset that W and I share toothpaste and we don't each have our own tube. He upset when he and P don't have exactly the same toy or eat exactly the same thing. It is irritating and truthfully, grinds on my every last nerve when I am explaining that, "no, that one pen sitting on the desk is neither mine, or Daddy's or P's... it is just. a. pen!" Or sometimes I just lie and say, "Yep. It's mine." Just so hewill move on with life!

7. And the list goes on...

While many of these phrases are cute, it is troublesome when the issues are bit more complex than say, Lightening McClean, and we cannot give a solid explanation. These are mostly emotional issues. For example, B often wants to be baby-like, because he watches P. I don't indulge all of these behaviors (tho we did let our 4 y old sleep in a crib for two weeks before telling him now it was time to sleep in his big bed). I want to explain to him that me telling him no is not because I don't love him, but because he is the big brother. I guess he will understand in time.

Anyhow, back to the purpose of this post. Between Payton's two year old-ness (no real need for explanation there, if you have parented a two year old...) and B's constant need for explanations, I am trying to find new ways of simplifying our routine around the house to save my sanity. Honestly, the thought of going back to work terrifies me. I feel fairly overwhelmed... and I am at home all day which allows me to do dishes, wash clothes, make appts, get to the store etc. All of things that I will have to figure out how to accomplish in much less time when I return to work in March. YIKES! Anyhow, we are making some slow but steady progress in simplifying and re-arranging our house and routines before I return to "real life" where I will be getting far less sleep and having far less time for daily household tasks. I will be back to cramming in US history readings and AP lesson planning and essay grading into my evenings. So here is one of our few steps towards re-organizing, planning, and simplifying...

A big step was this:

A train table.

It may sound strange, but seriously it has returned a bit of my sanity. Why, you ask? P LOVES trains. LOVES them. A few months ago my sweet cousin Willow, now approaching her teens, let us borrow her train table from her more youthful days. We put his Thomas track up and he was in 2 y. o. heaven. The only problem is that when the train tracks would come apart, P would get terribly upset and pick up the track and throw it. This meant that for the last few months I spent much of my day re-assembling train tracks. I AM OVER IT! So, W took a trip to L*wes and bought a piece of plywood and green paint and WOOD GLUE. I took a trip to the store and bought a few more pieces of train track. We put the kids to bed and got to work. We painted, engineered, and GLUED down the track! (Much like the ones in the book stores, kid's museums, etc) Now my kiddos can play all daywith the track and the tracks stay put! It. is. AWESOME! No more frustrated tantrums for P! And a little piece of my sanity returns...

CoC

2011-01-18T20:47:00.000-08:00

Bunte's Certificate of Citizenship came in the mail today. He officially became a citizen when he landed in D.C. on December 4th, but now he has the documentation to prove it :)

(I am only showing the top corner here so that none of his identifying information can be seen.)

Anyhow, the CoC had more importance than simply stating his new country of citizenship. I think it was symbolic for him. That he is here to stay! Before today, we told Bunte he was from Ethiopia, Payton was from Georgia, and Mommy and Daddy were from Virginia. When we opened the envelope, I screamed and clapped and said, "Bunte, before Bunte was in Ethiopia, now Bunte is in Virginia!" He took a deep breath, smiled huge, and said, "Mommy's Bunte?" Yes, you are Mommy's Bunte FOREVER!" He jumped into my arms and gave me a HUGE hug and kiss. He may not understand that this paper gives him the right to vote, the right to the protection of our Constitution, or the right to have a voice in his government. Right now, this paper is important to Bunte because it means he is with us. Forever. And in his words, "it's special."

Living His Dream

2011-01-17T18:05:00.001-08:00

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Here's hoping we can all rise above our destructive selfishness. Just imagine what that would look like!

Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable... Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Thank you, Dr. King and other civil rights activists, for creating a better America and a better world.

Today we celebrated by making a hand print wreath and reading an age-appropriate book about Dr. King.

I thought this post about MLK day was great. I could relate. Maybe you can too?

Odd?

2011-01-17T17:59:00.000-08:00

I was sitting at the computer, glanced over my shoulder and saw my youngest son playing with his computer... with a bucket on his head? ODD? I think so.

This is Lulu's spot. This is how she sleeps. Often. ODD? I think so.

A little love goes a long way.

2011-01-15T20:34:00.000-08:00

Little B leaving Ethiopia on December 3, 2010. He looks little, scared and intimidated.

Bunte looking confident today, January 15th 2011.

I know I just posted a picture of B's growth, but it simply amazes me. Just over a month and he does not even look like the same child! A little love goes a long way! I praise God for the work he has done in my son.

Watch Him Grow!

2011-01-10T20:26:00.000-08:00

My, oh my, how our boy has changed! What a difference 6 months can make. 3 or so inches, 10 or so pounds, and a whole lot of love! I love that we were able to get so many pics of our boy while we waited! It helped us so much during our wait. Thanks to everyone who took pics of Little B when you traveled! I know how crazy it was to try and remember who was who etc... but the days when we received emails with his pictures were WONDERFUL days!

Watch our boy grow before your eyes!

Referral Photo: Taken June 2010

July 2010

August 2010

September 2010

Early October 2010

Late October 2010

November 2010

December 2010

TODAY! January 10, 2011

Today He Broke My Heart...

2011-01-07T20:41:00.001-08:00

Today my son broke my heart. Not on purpose. He had no idea. You see, parenting a four year old that does not speak the same language or come from the same culture that you are familiar with can present challenges and heart ache. So far, our son has been such a joy, so well-behaved. But why? He is eerily well behaved. He never gets out of the bed without permission. He never leaves the table without permission. He never hits P (even when P takes his toys, pushes him, etc.) Why? I've never met such an obedient four year old. Is he just trying to please us or is there more to this story? I think there is more... and here is why.

P loves music. Like L.O.V.E.S. music. I am pretty sure he will be quite a musician one day. So, I used the $15 i.tunes gift card my sister gave me for Christmas to purchase some "kid" tunes, including one entitled "Tap your sticks." I got out the music set B got for Christmas (thanks, Ann ;). We each grabbed an instrument and began marching around the house to the song "Parade of Colors." (Yes, I know, this is what my life has turned into... but no complaints from this temporary SAHM that returns to work in March... I am loving every minute of my days with my kiddos!) Anyhow, B, P and I marched proudly along, laughing and singing. Then the tap your sticks songs came on and I picked up the drum sticks to show B how to tap out the rhythms. He froze. Like would not move. Would not look at me. Tears streamed down his face. I could not figure it out. Finally, he pointed to the computer and I changed the song and moved on, no more drum sticks or tapping. I was miffed. What happend? It was one of those moments that I so wished we spoke the same language.

When Wes got home, I played the song for him, showed him the sticks, and explained what happened. As soon as Wes picked up the drum sticks, B curled up in the chair, covered his face with his hands, closed his eyes and said, "NO!NO! NO! Go Bez, Go Bez (good boy)." There was nothing about either of these instances that (in my judgement) would cause B to think that we would hit him. We were playing (I thought). I immediately picked him up and rocked him. I held him tight. Our family is not a hitting family. We don't spank. EVER. (Not judging other parenting styles, but we choose to use a "time out" or "think it over" spot, while we stand near by.) Will B learn this? Will he learn we are safe? Will he trust us? Clearly, he has seen or experienced something much more forceful than a timeout. I won't know until he speaks enough English to communicate these deeper emotions and stories with me. For now, I can only speculate. I hope my suspicions are wrong. Dear God, please teach him we are safe. Please, heal his heart!

Today He, as in my God, broke my heart for my son. He gave me new eyes for my son. His life, his experiences are more complex, perhaps more heartbreaking than I once imagined. But I am thankful that today I was able to really see my son.

MELKAM GENNA!

2011-01-07T16:07:00.000-08:00

Today many Orthodox Christians in Ethiopia and across the globe are celebrating Christmas! Unlike the America's commercialized Christmas celebration, many Orthodox Christians in Ethiopia will attend long church services with candle light ceremonies, bless their children with special prayers, and maybe exchange very small gifts (like clothing for children.) Some will also break their fast (from the Advent season) with delicious injera and doro wat and a day full of celebrations will continue.

Conversations with my Kids #1

2011-01-03T16:04:00.000-08:00

At the dinner table...

Me: What is his name (point to his Daddy)?

Payton: 'Es (Wes)

Me: What is my name?

Payton: Dina (Diana)

Me: What is his name (point to Bunte)?

Payton: Big Boy

Me: What is your name?

Payton: Baaaaaby Payton.

He makes my heart melt every stinkin' day!

Celebrating Jesus..6 times over!

2010-12-28T12:46:00.000-08:00

Christmas day was filled with a lot of fun, including 6 celebrations and 5 stops... in a 12 hour window. The boys sang happy birthday to Jesus between each stop! Christmas really comes alive with children!

Celebration Number 1: Our House :)

The boys woke up around 8 or so and had no idea it was Christmas. Once they unpackaged their new Cars figures, they had little to no interest in opening anything else.

Their favorite gifts from Santa... CARS action figures... including Mater, which cost his elves only $3.50, but probably five times that in gas driving around trying to find him!
A T.homas puzzle brought P pure delight!

Stockings! Each boy received an O.livia book :) One of P's favorite characters. He sleeps with a stuffed pig (he named Olivia) every nite.

Celebration Number 2: Mamaw's House (Wes's Grandmother)

We enjoyed a delicious lunch and we got a chance to share our joys from the year. Wes gave a beautiful testimony about our time in Ethiopia. Afterwards, we were able to snatch a picture of the 4 great-grandsons together (there is a fifth, baby Oscar, but he was not here Christmas morning.) "Mamaw" has all great-grandsons and grandsons-- 11 boys total for her! Not one girl!

Celebrations Number 3: MomMom and DadDad's House (My parents)

Whew. By this time the boys were on present overload and were a little on the fussy side. B's favorite gift was a watch from MomMom. P loved his new riding boots and the boxes. Each time he opened a gift, he threw it out and said, "cool box!" Then he had enough and declined opening gifts all together.
B's new watch! So proud and oh so grown!
P sporting his new boots and running thru MomMom's house.
Wearing the stickers... this brought back memories from the time we spent with B at the care center in Addis. The kids like to wear the stickers on their skin, not their clothes, or on paper where they really belong! This kept him occupied for quite some time.
Celebration Number 4: DearMa Suzie's House (My God-mother, or as P calls her, Shoo-zie)

Unfortunately, I neglected to take any more pics Christmas day. I am a little angry at myself. But I will briefly descrive the rest of the stops. P napped in the car, but B managed to spend the entire day awake. We enjoyed some time with Suzie and her girls, Ang and Bekah, and Suzie grand-puppies, esp. Bilbo who loved playing with B. We watched the kids dance and sing and laughed together. I think we did all miss Tom. Suzie's husband, Tom, passed away just after Christmas last year, but I am sure he would be glad to know that we all were there to hang out, laugh, and eat delicious food!

Celebration Number 5: Medhanie and Mirihet's House, our Eritrean friends.

Earlier in the Advent Season we wrapped gifts and packaged household supplies for our Eritrean friends with the intent to deliver on it to them on Christmas. Although they are Orthodox and celebrate Genna (the birth of Christ on January 7th), we wanted to celebrate December 25th too! We missed Mirihet, as she spent the holiday with her friend, Teabe, who just gave birth. We did get a chance to see Medhanie and his son, Abel, who is the same age as P! Medhanie was particularly delighted to receive several pounds of spices we brought back from Ethiopia! I bet they will have some delicious food this week! Mmmmm...berbere :) We are so grateful for Medhanie and his family.

Celebration Number 6: Aunt Gloria's House! (By this time, we were running on empty...)

Each year we end the day at Wes' Aunt Gloria's. We eat...again. And the kids laugh and play... all ten of them! Whew. Payton graced us with a karaoke performance. He performed his greatest and most well-known hits, Itsy Bitsy Spider, Twinkle Twinkle, ABCs, Jingle Bells, and topped it off with a grand finale of Raffi's Mr. Sun. This child was born to perform. Every day I am overwhelmed by his spirit and love of life. I cannot wait to see just who he will become as he grows and matures! I hope this lively spirit of his is always a part of him!

As we re-loaded the car between each stop and took a few moments to process, I just kept thanking God for these little boys. Christmas as a family of four was amazing!

Thank you God, for so many beautiful gifts, including Your own Son, sent so many years ago to offer hope to a broken world.

Pre-Christmas Festivities

2010-12-27T13:45:00.000-08:00

Although we toned down the gift giving and such this year and tried to focus more on the Spirit of Christmas, the season was still filled with holiday festivities. We spent a day in West Virginia with Wes' immediate family. It was a relaxing day and the boys had a great time with their cousin, Bryden!

An attempt at a family portrait.
The boys cheesin'. They were so happy and eager to play with their new radio flyer toys from Ganma and GaGa! I need to clear out the basement some so they can enjoy them a bit more during the winter months.

The weekend of the 18th my mom's extended family gathered to celebrate at a local barn. The kids got a chance to meet Santa and hit pinatas and just have good time! It was a great chance to catch up with some of my family.

These pics are from my cousin's blog. She did a great job capturing the moment! B sat on Santa's lap with cousin Kathryn.
B stashed tons of candy. I found at least twenty pieces in his pockets. Payton even took a turn hitting the pinata.

As we got a little closer to Christmas, the boys wrote a letter to Santa. It was pretty easy because as I suggested a few items (like chap stick and candy and matchbox cars ), and that is what they said they wanted! Somehow I think they will have higher expectations next year, but we still want to keep it simple.

The stockings were hung.... the night before Christmas! ( I ordered B's stocking, but it did not come until just before Christmas so I did not want to hang the rest of them up without his. Anyhow, when it got here I realized I ordered the embroidering in a different type than the others...grrr... oh well.)
Santa did come... and brought each person one gift. We are trying to let the kids enjoy the "magic" of Christmas, but all teach them that excess, is indeed excess, and we we have more than enough. To help them understand this concept, we took gifts, including some of the kid's toys, to one of the local Eritrean refugee families we know. It was a blessing to us to share with this Christmas season with them.

We also hosted an annual chili dinner on Christmas Eve after church. We were blessed to have our families there. P and B posing with their grandparents - MomMom and DadDad.

We also added ornaments to the tree as B thought each branch needed one. I was waiting to finish decorating the tree until we had one special ornament that I ordered. P has a bunch of "baby's first Christmas" ornaments and others he has received over the years so I wanted B to have something special too. I ordered the ornament below from s.hutterfly. B loved it! He was so excited to put it on the tree!

Finally, we were able to visit a live nativity...complete with camels. The boys loved it and seemed to begin to understand the idea of Baby Jesus and the celebration of his birth. They talked about baby Jesus quite a bit and sang happy birthday multiple times on Christmas. B sang too, but I am not sure how much of what he said he understands. He is soaking up English soooo fast!

It's just... different this year.

2010-12-19T21:12:00.000-08:00

I am not a scrooge. I promise. In fact, I normally decorate a ton for Christmas. I love it! I have 30 plus department 56 village pieces, 3 boxes overflowing with ornaments, wreaths, 5 nativity sets, and more. But this year, my heart was not prepared to decorate or celebrate the Western, material, Christmas traditions. Heck, it hardly wanted to buy or accept gifts. Visiting Ethiopia changed me. It changed Wes. It changed our family. Well, Ethiopia itself did not, but God used our experience there to mold these selfish hearts of ours. I definitely think we have some serious survivor's guilt right now, but all that extra stuff of the material Christmas just did not seem important this year. I know that B's friends at the orphanage will not be getting Christmas gifts this year. I know that the surviving members of B's birth family will not either. I know the millions of children in places like Ethiopia and Haiti will not even have clean water or a meal on Christmas. The money spent on gifts should be helping these children and families. It can do so much more than buy a plastic toy or a holiday decoration. As I watched my kids, including one that just two weeks prior had no concept of ownership or toys that beep and flash and sing and talk, rip open their gifts at the family gathering this past Saturday, I was embarrassed. Not by my children's behavior, they were super-stars thru the 8 hours of marathon partying. I was embarrassed by our (as in Americans in general) excess. Don't get me wrong; I loved watching my kids faces as they opened new toys, especially B who had never had this experience before. Moreover, I love that our extended family welcomed B so heartily with very thoughtful gifts. But underneath my smile as they dug into the gifts, my heart ached for all of those kids around the globe missing out on a tradition many American children take for granted because they are busy trying to find clean water and a little food to eat. Perhaps it was this underlying thought that brought tears to my eyes when I received a special gift from my aunts. They handed me a water bottle and on the inside was a slip of paper informing me that a donation had been made in my honor to provide clean drinking water for life to someone in Ethiopia. They gave each person (in our VERY large family) a bottle and the same information. My eyes teared up. I wish I had thought of something so meaningful to share as gifts, but what a great way to honor B and his first home. I can't wait to explain to him what his great aunts did in his honor. Amazing.

This Christmas is different in many ways. And although my house lacks the decor and finishing touches that I once consumed my holiday hours, I am loving this Christmas season. I never imagined B would be home in time to celebrate. And just as they celebrated the arrival of a Child on the first Christmas, we too, will celebrate the arrival of a special child. Both of these children were gift from God. One, a tiny Babe who saved my soul. And the other a four-year-old delight to remind me of the Greatest Gift and the hope He promises.

This year there will be very few presents under our very first artificial tree, sparsly decorated with only 15 or so of my 200 plus ornaments. (We are die-hard real tree-ers, but P's asthma made it necessary for us to go faux.) The only other elements in our house the scream holiday are the two small nativity sets and advent candle. The rest is still boxed. And it will stay there for now. This year my heart understands Christmas with a new meaning and expectancy. And well, it's just... different this year.

HOME!

2010-12-08T18:50:00.000-08:00

You know that overwhelmed feeling, whether it be work or house cleaning or writing a paper or... well, you get the point. That is kind of how I feel right now. It is too overwhelming to even think about starting to document everything. I have so many adoption-related posts running thru my head right now: dealing with grief, attachment, older child adoption, adopting out of birth order, parasites, sibling relationships, diet, schooling, ELL, and the list goes on. Every time someone posts on our agency's discussion board, I have something to add or questions to ask the veteran parents, but I rarely do. I am exhausted. But oh so happy. My boy is home. We've had challenges (grief when leaving his friends, dealing with the very cold temperatures, scared of the horses, mild medical issues) but overall the transition has been amazing and wonderful. Bunte is a joy. He very slowly coming out of his shell and I cannot wait to see the flower of child still waiting to bloom. Right now, the first outer petal is beginning to peel away from the stem, revealing just a hint of color. And I am pretty sure it is red, his favorite color. I cannot wait to see what is revealed when this flow is in full bloom and just how gorgeous this child will be. I have 3 more days of work and then I can take my FMLA leave and I will be home with him until March 7th. I am so excited to have some special time with both of my boys.

9 Days

2010-11-25T12:49:00.000-08:00

remain until we are a family of four living on the same continent. Words simply cannot express the gratitude in my heart today. Happy Thanksgiving!

Ethiopian Birth Certificate

2010-11-10T12:37:00.001-08:00

Today we received our sons NEW birth certificate. This may not seem like a big deal, but it makes everything feel so much more real to me. We are now recorded in Ethiopia as Bunte's mom and dad. The other beautiful part of receiving his birth certificate today is that it means Wes is on track -though not confirmed- to travel for his embassy appointment on December 1st! In addition to his birth certificate, we received our Visa 37 confirmation from the embassy and Bunte's adoption decree issued by the courts! Our son's legal name (as it is printed on his Ethiopian documents) is Bute Wesley Kite. It is customary for Ethiopian children to take their father's first and last name. We are one more step closer to bringing this boy home! Please keep praying for Bute to have a negative TB test (that is pretty much our last major hoop to jump through)!

A Scary Giraffe?

2010-11-02T15:51:00.000-07:00

Payton had a great time getting 'eats this year! I am sure everyone was terrified of this scary giraffe! He was oh so cute!

My Crown

2010-10-23T23:12:00.000-07:00

Our Beautiful, Smart, Creative, and Kind Son, Bute!

Showing Bute his new family.
A kiss for Mama :)
All smiles! This is my one of my favorite pics from the trip!
First encounter with Daddy. He was a little shy and averted his eyes.
Required proof (newspaper) for IR3 visa at embassy in a few weeks! Also take note of Bute's pipe cleaner crown. We made these with him the first day we met him and then after court his Dad shared with us that his name means "my crown." I cried. How amazing is that! Bute is my crown and his birth father's crown! ANd I think he knows it... :)

I still cannot believe this is real. Like really, really real! I am legally a Mama to two. I just wish I could have them both in the same place. I cannot describe my joy and heartache thru this week's adventures- the sights, sounds, smells, everything associated with this trip to Ethiopia for court. It is just too much... court was more emotional than I imagined. Immediately my mind wandered back to the waiting room at the hospital in Atlanta two years ago and the nerves and excitement and fears of that day, except this time all of those emotions were multiplied and complicated. This time I had to watch the pain in the birth families' faces as they made a decision that was the best for their child at this time. It is not an easy decision. Adoption isn't just a happy thing, there is also loss that comes with adopting, both for the child and the birth family. But then I was also privileged to watch the birth families smiles as they saw each adoptive family come out of the court room crying as well. While they ached, they were delighted to see hope and opportunity for their children. We experienced all of this with Bute's (we are changing his name slightly when he returns home to Bunte) father. We even had the opportunity for all of us to meet together at the care center after court (Wes, me, Bute, and his birth father). The images of this day will never go away. I just cannot write what I want to express and most of the emotions and stories of this week will be Bute's alone...

Maybe I will be able to write more clearly once I am home. For now, back to waiting at the airport in Frankfort...

Trying Not to Freak Out...

2010-10-12T14:13:00.000-07:00

about leaving my boy. Seriously. I need to get over and I know that once I am Ethiopia I will be very distracted, but right now it just makes me sad to leave my sweet boy. When we leave on Saturday I will spend my first nite away from my son. It is a little ridiculous that I am this upset about leaving him. I would say that I am the one with attachment issues here, not Payton. Anyhow, the only other nite he spent away from me was the nite he stayed with his birthmother at the hospital. I know Payton will be good hands while we are away, but it is always hard to let go.

On Sunday I found out that our previous set of childcare plans would not pan out (my friend that was going to watch Payton/house/dogs/horses fell and broke her arm and cannot care for Payton now.) I started making a ton of phone calls and piecing together a new plan for Payton. Whew. I think it is (mostly) arranged. Now I am working on house/dog/horse sitter arrangements.

We are not really packed AT ALL! Which has me freaking out! However, I now have a rough sketch of my lesson plans so I am finally starting to calm down on that end (tho the papers will NOT be graded when I leave.)

Wes got his last three shots today and paid up on all of his vaccination not covered by insurance(yellow fever/typhoid/etc). It was a hefty $196 worth of shots. I am still waiting to hear back from my insurance company.

We have ordered a photo book for Bunte and I am going to make him a mini-poster of our family tonite. We were not going to tell him who we are, but several families that returned last week said that the older kids and nannies tell them as soon as you get there. So I guess when he meets us the cat will be out of the bag. I have a lovie, small truck, a stuffed animal, his picture book, a picture of us on string for him to wear, and poster (all to fit in a one gallon bag!) We can only give this to him ourselves if we pass court next Thursday, otherwise we will leave it with the nannies! Please pray with us! If all goes according to plan, we are slated for a November 17 embassy date. I would have never imagined that our date could be this early! AMAZING! This is VERY hopeful thinking, but God has worked miracles so far, so I am not going to place a limit on His faithfulness now.

I cannot believe that in one week I will be able to hold my son in my arms for the first time. What an amazing feeling! My mind is so overwhelmed that I cannot even begin to describe everything I am feeling right now. So, with that...I am off to *start* packing and pray that the plane does not crash (I HATE planes).

If you are the praying type, here are some specific requests:

1. Safe travels for Wes and D.

2. For Payton to adjust to all the transitions while we are away.

3. For the birth parent to safely arrive and testify at court (needed to pass court).

4. For all of the paperwork to be ok'd during court (needed for us to pass).

5. For Little B's heart to be safely guarded and prepared to meet us (and then for us to leave again).

6. For us to process all of the sites and sounds of Ethiopia so that we can share in Little B's culture and remember it well for him as he grows and asks questions.

7. For our health- we are well vaccinated, but we want to enjoy the moment of meeting B, not be so sick that we miss out on the joy.

8. For the other children at the orphanage who are waiting on families to not grow hopeless, but live happily as they wait on their forever families (btw, if you have ever considered adopting, our agency has over 15 waiting boys from ages 1-9 that need homes!)

WHEW!

Ouchies

2010-09-25T11:01:00.000-07:00

Yup. We are all vaccinated! Wes and I got our travel vaccines for Ethiopia. I received the immunizations for Hep A, Polio, DTap, Yellow Fever, Typhoid, Meningitis. Wes was updated with all of those plus chicken pox. His mom could not remember if he had them or not. Our arms were sore for at least a week!

Payton went to the doctor this week for his two year old check up and they gave him Hep A, Polio, and the MMR.

Hopefully we will have some protection against anything we might be exposed to in Ethiopia.

Going Private by Request

2010-09-17T12:38:00.000-07:00

As of tomorrow, this blog will be temporarily private. Our agency has suggested that prospective adoptive parents to do to ensure that we are not violating Ethiopia's social media laws in any way... until then... please keep praying for us. We leave for our court date in just about one month (it was moved up!) If you would like a password for this blog, email rundmk1 at aol dot com or go to www.shadesofus.wordpress.com for updates.

Thanks! Sorry (for my two loyal readers... shout out to you, Beth ;)

Happy 2nd Birthday, Sweet Payton!

2010-09-16T19:06:00.000-07:00

Today we celebrated our son! We both took the day off of work and took Payton to the "Depot" for lunch (an old train station with a caboose outside!) and then to his favorite toy store. Payton played hard and picked out a new train set and a train book for his birthday. Payton ended the day with an egg-free cupcake (and he said the work cake for the first time... it just occurred to me that he has not been exposed to it much because of his allergy, so it was a very meaningful word to learn today. It repeated it over. over. over.) We topped it off with some of his new skin care products from Carol's Daughter (reviews to come after we use it on P for awhile). It was so fun to have a day just for him. I spent much of the day thinking about Mama C today and wondering what she was feeling today. I still have such admiration for her strength and I am so grateful that she gave Payton the miraculous gift of life.

Enkuntatash! Happy 2003!

2010-09-11T20:03:00.000-07:00

Today we started the new year off with a celebration! No, not the school year... the Ethiopian New Year. Ethiopia uses the Julian calendar (similar to the Egytian/Coptic calendar). According to their calendar, it is Meskerem (September) 1st 2003! It is appropriate to gather with family and friends and welcome each other with New Year greetings and discuss the hopes and dreams of the future. In Ethiopia, this also marks the end of the rainy season. We celebrated with our Ethiopian and Eritrean friends today. We have been so blessed by this community who welcomed us with open arms. A family of local business owners organized the party and catered the majority of the food from their restaurant. Others of us transported many of the Eritrean refugee families that needed rides and once we were all there, celebrations followed. Eating. Dancing. Planning. Sharing. It was beautiful. I especially enjoyed watching all of the kids play together. It was also so wonderful to share with our friends about Little B and have them share in the excitement and anticipation with us.

Dancing.
Playing.
More Dancing.

Payton crashed when we got home.All the little two year old boys... Payton was showing them how to bust some moves.
Notice Payton is wearing his traditional white clothes in this picture... this picture was taken before he ate strawberries, played in the woods, busted his mouth and bled on his shirt.
Yummy injera and wat. Being the pathetic chef that I am, I just brought crockpot mac and cheese.
Payton with our Eritrean friend, Medhanie! Medhanie just moved to our town a few short weeks ago.
Payton and I with Medhanie's wife, Mirihet and their son, Abel.

While I was soaking in the culture, chasing my little boy, eating a lot of injera and generally enjoying life, I was 100% content. My oldest boy was not celebrating with us. I wonder what he did do today? Did he have a special meal at the orphanage? Did anyone get him a card? Did any of the nannies tell him how much they love him and they he is loved by so many? I just wanted to know what he was thinking today. Little B, we will see you in October! Only a month away little man.

Open House

2010-08-15T15:45:00.000-07:00

Today was the Open House for our high school that is going to open its doors to students for the first time in a week and half. It has been fun, overwhelming, and a little crazy preparing for this big day. I was lucky enough to have a few really special visitors stop by the open house.

A glimpse of the future...

My aunt and her family came to see me! They posed in front of a wall hanging she brought back from Nigeria when I was eight!
My mom tested out the new technology in my classroom :)

It was a fun day, but I am still not ready to head back to school. Not because I don't want to teach the kids, but because I have to leave my boy :(.

Payton at 22 months, almost 23 months

2010-08-05T13:25:00.000-07:00

Yes, our baby boy is almost 2 and I think I am in denial.

He is rapidly changing, so this is a quick post of things I want to remember from this stage.

1. Jumping. Yup. Both feet off the ground, jumping just to jump. He's been able to jump for two months, but this week he thinks it is hysterical just to jump around for no real reason. Our friends have a trampoline and Payton can literally entertain himself for an hour on there (it has a net around it so he cannot fall off.)

2. Thomas. Or anything train like. He goes bananas when he sees anything Thomas-related. He has Thomas shoes, cups, trains, utensils, bath squirties, dvds, books, and the list goes on. His great Aunt Linda was the supplier of the majority of these lovely toys. Today we walked thru T.arget and he saw a Thomas sprinkler and Payton started to singing "Daaaa Da Da Da dada Daaaaadadada, dadadada,dadadada...." almost perfectly to the tune. Crazy. I had no idea he knew the song! I won't let him watch Thomas on S.prout because it is only 15 minutes and he has a total meltdown when it is over, so we avoid it all together and save the dvds for special occasions... like plane rides. He also obssesses over trains being in a line and if one gets out of order he gets super duper upset. He will literally play with trains for an hour straight, by himself. It is crazy how much he loves this stuff! We did buy him the Thomas and Caboose for the wooden train set, but we don't have the wooden track yet. Maybe we will get that for him for his b-day. His cousin Willow was so generous to give him her old train table. And as she said, "I can see it is already being put to good use!" Payton and his choo-choos.

3. No more bottle! Finally! We have been bottle-free for a week now. I'd say this is miraculous. Payton never latched onto a "lovey," but he sure did latch onto his bottle as his comfort item. We are so glad to have those bottles GONE, tho they should have been gone 10 months ago!!!!

4. Signing. Payton still signs much more than he speaks. Today's new sign is "stuck." I don't think I could even list how many signs he knows now... it is just really cool to watch how quickly he picks it up. One of his favorite signs is Rhinoceros. This evening he tried to teach me a sign. He was watching B.lues C.lues and created his own sign for the Handy Dandy Notebook. Then he ran to Willow and showed her how to sign notebook, and then ran over to me to teach me.

5. His Own Language. Payton has a few things that he says often that must mean something to him, but our not real words to us. His favorite is "Dabadeeeee" and as he says it he twists both arms. He also calls his boy-parts "mena." Again, I don't know where he got this saying.

6. "Oh [insert any number of words here]. " Payton loves to say "Oh Cool, O-kay, Oh Man (which sounds like meem), Oh No, Uh Oh, Oh Yuck (which often sounds like the F-bomb), Oh Wow, and just about anything else Ohhhhhh.

7. Lulu. Payton adores his dog, Lulu. He sees the others (Jackson and Carmen) as threats to his food and is always yelling NO! to them, but Lulu is special to him. He loves to give her unsolicited hugs and always makes sure to do so before going to bed. He even calls for her when he gets up from his nap. We hear, "Mommy...Daddy.... Lulu..." over the monitor. Even more precious is his gentle heart towards Lulu. Payton wanted to share his cookie with her and Wes told him no. He looked a Lulu and then back at Wes with the most devastated expression on his face, pouty bottom lip and all. He loves her. In fact, his first spoken two-word sentence (he has signed sentences for a while) was, "Bye, Lulu." Followed with the sign for "I Love You." Be still my heart. I hope his compassion for animals continues to grow exponentially!

Payton and Lulu

8. Still not sleeping. For the last month, Payton has ended up in bed with us around 4am each nite. Then he wakes around 8, sits up and giggles, almost as if to say, "I win again!"

9. Mama's boy. I think it is because I have been home from work during the summer, but Payton has become a total Mama's boy lately. I am trying to enjoy every minute of it. While it is nice to get showered with his sweet kisses, the clinginess can get a little much. He is also far less willing to try new things when I am around. He clings around my neck so tightly. For instance, I took Payton to a horse show to do the leadline class on Friday. He cried and tried to throw himself off the horse. So unlike him as he never does this at the barn. So I asked another mom to take him in and I ducked out of sight. He was fine. It seems to be me. Why?

Payton attempting to dismount Chip and land in Mama's arms

Time to sit in a puddle of tears while I plan his second birthday.... I bet you will never guess the theme...

Vacation 2010 Part Three- Mt. Judah Hike

2010-07-25T13:42:00.001-07:00

The summit of Mt. Judah had a beautiful view of Donner Lake.
The snow just melted leaving stunning wild flowers all along the hike. A lot of mule ear, snow plant, and many others that I could not identify.

We only had a small patch of snow to navigate thru. The temperature was quite warm and the snow was melting quickly.
Uncle Harry suggested this hike to us because he had heard it was so beautiful. He is recovering from a knee injury so it took us quite a bit longer that the suggested 2 hours for this 6 mile hike, but Harry pulled thru and did great! Thanks for an awesome day, Uncle Harry.
Maybe we could build a house here?
As Payton would say, "up up up up up up." (I think that translates to: "Those are really tall trees!")
The first mile of the trail is really rocky. Beware if you have bad ankles.

Ethiopian Heritage and Culture Camp

2010-07-24T18:18:00.001-07:00

As soon as we got back from vacation, we packed up our junk and headed to Ethiopian Heritage and Culture Camp. It was so nice to be surrounded by families like ours. Sometimes it is nice to be in the majority. In fact, when I dropped Payton off in the nursery to go to a seminar, I got tears in my eyes. It was the first time that he has been surrounded by people that look like him. The first time he was the majority. I 100% support diversity and think life would be really boring if we were all the same, but at the same time I also know that there is comfort in the being the majority. I am sure Payton hardly noticed at all as he bee lined it for the trains in the corner, but I did. And it was nice to share this emotion with a family sitting near us at the seminar and not be told that I am just over-sensitive to the "race issue" as I have been told by many white people in our community. While this camp has been a resource of practical advice for traveling to Addis, it is even more beneficial in the feeling of support and comfort that we have received from fellow transracial families that have rejoiced with us in our recent referral, asked to see B's pictures, and so much more. There are also a large number of Ethiopian-AMerican families that are Deaf and/or sign. So in addition to learning about ET culture, I got to brush on my signing skills and meet new friends. Love it. Here are few pics of the fun.

Playing in the pool with Daddy.
Family picture with all 4 of us (notice that we had to put a box over B's face because we cannot post a picture of him until we pass court.)
Traditional dancers at our feast.
Payton looking sooo cute in the traditional clothes that his friends Julie, Kevin and Abinet brought back from Ethiopia.
Payton with his best bud Abinet (and Abinet's dad, Kevin).

We cannot wait to go to camp next year as a family of four!

Vacation 2010 Part Two- Lake Spooner Hike

2010-07-22T09:46:00.001-07:00

We ventured to Spooner Lake for a short hike with Payton. I think the loop around the lake was a little over 2 miles, but we really enjoyed it! The Aspens were beautiful! We also (without realizing it) stumbled across the finish of a 100 mile ultra marathon! We enjoyed cheering for the sporadic runner that passed us along the trail. The looked at us, bleary-eyed, and kept putting one foot in front of the other. Some said thank you, some nodded, others did not even look up. I did run a marathon a few years ago, so I can relate to their pain just a little. I thought 26.2 was agonizing, so I cannot fathom 100 miles... in the mountains! These people were dedicated!

King Wes :)

Payton fell asleep in the ergo during the last few minutes of the hike.

Family shot

Aspens.

Vacation 2010 Part One- Lake Tahoe

2010-07-22T08:46:00.000-07:00

We just returned at 8 am this morning from our week of vacationing at Lake Tahoe! We are fortunate that my Aunt Sue is generous enough to let us stay at her house on the lake. The weather was wonderful and the views were spectacular. I actually prefer the lake to the beach because the pine trees provide gret shade for the pale type, like myself. And is just so awesome! We spent most of our days lakeside, but also went for an outing in Truckee and Reno, as well as hikes around Spooner Lake and Mt. Judah (near Donner Lake). More pics to come, but for now.... shots from Incline Village :)

We spent a lot of time floating in the tube! Payton usually fell asleep.

Yep, the water was a little chilly!

What a beautiful view!

Updated Timeline to Little B

2010-07-18T23:36:00.001-07:00

DATE	ITEM
2009	Research agencies
2.11.2010	Send email to friends requesting reference letters for home study and DOSSIER D and W each update 10 page autobios for home study and applications *request D’s driving record from DMV
2.12.2010	Receive D’s notarized letter of employment
2.14.2010	Attend International Agency’s Webinar ( We are calling this our official “start” date, but we most certainly have been dreaming about our sweet one for much longer than this!)
2.15.2010	* Submit Pre-Application to International Agency (accepted!) * W physical, blood work, urinalysis, HIV and TB test
2.16.2010	*D physical, blood work, urinalysis, HIV and TB test
2.17.2010	W TB test read W makes copies of 2007, 2008, and 2009 1040s, insurance cards and insurance policy coverage of children placed for adoption for home study, applications, and dossier
2.18.2010	D TB test read W goes to Sheriffs Office for local criminal clearance
2.22.2010	* receive W’s notarized letter of employment * mail request for authenticated birth certificates for D and W and authenticated marriage certificate
2.23.2010	*Receive first notarized reference letter for Dossier and reference letter for home study agency J from Becky
2.25.2010	*mail International Agency formal application along with 10 signed and/or notarized policy documents, autobios, first agency fees, pictures and training certificates receive confirmation from int.agency to start on dossier mail Home Study Agency formal application with many required documents for home study, including social services clearance mail request for three authenticated copies for international agency power of attorney CELEBRATORY DINNER
2.26.2010	mail passport renewal for D arrange for notary to go to docs office *international agency coordinator switched due to job change
3.01.02	speak with agency and confirm receipt of application, E (social worker from before) thinks* she will be able to do our home study (cross fingers)
3.02.2010	receive authenticated copies of international agency power of attorney pick up W and D notarized letters for doctor office (first set not valid wrong date, scramble to get second notary because our doctor is going out of the country *international agency coordinator switch–again
3.03.10	receive second dossier and home study reference in the mail from Erin write letter to bank requesting credit verification
3.9.2010	travel two hours to home study agency for intake interview (three hours) take pictures of Mr. P with domestic coordinator (where his adoption story began J) *sign fire safety, immunization agreement, and release forms
3.10.2010	attempt to obtain FBI prints (jail to busy) go to city police department to obtain prints (and PRAY they clear) D’s pinky finger never scanned correctly on LiveScan as we walk out of police department we receive email on Wes’ blackberry from our international agency indicating that the Ethiopian Government has decided that all families must be present at both court and embassy date thus requiring families to travel TWICE we all our agency to talk through this change *overnight our fingerprints to our home study agency along with fire emergency plans and house blueprint, copies of Mr. P’s adoption decree and birth cert, and our dogs vaccination records
3.11.2010	Ethiopia rescinds travel announcement Drop off Mr.P’s medical clearance forms for home study agency
3.12.2010	*Ethiopia re-issues travel announcement L
3.14.2010	ONE MONTH WAITING (to be officially waiting)
3.15.2010	*officially withdraw from International Agency’s Ethiopia Program (we feel that this new requirement will not allow D to spend enough time at home during critical attachment period as additional travel will use up both FMLA time and financial resources.) international agency agrees to refund 60% of agency fees VERY sad day for us as we feel we are the ones abandoning a child decide to continue with home study process and pursue domestic adoption contact Mr. P’s placement agency to discuss possibility of using them again. They have several first moms waiting for adoptive families. They suggest a 2 month wait period once home study is approved. call home study agency to switch file from international to domestic tentatively set up home visits with social worker for April 1

3.18.2010	drop-off physical forms with D and W doctor office local friend announces they just received referral from Ethiopia of a little boy Mr. P’s age! WooHoo!
3.20.2010	set up account with JustLoveCoffee.com/BabyKK to raise funds for adoption! We need to raise about $15,000. Plan for Garage/Yard Sale on April 3^rd to raise funds
3.21.2010	re-order W’s driving record (misplaced the first one…oops!) picked up physical forms from doctors office
3.25.2010	D and W certified birth certs. arrive in mail certified marriage cert. arrives in mail W driving record arrives in mail D’s passport arrives in mail *notices in mail from W’s old company informing us that W has Approx. $4,000 in an account we did not know about! What a blessing!
3.26.2010	receive email notice from international agency stating that ET has indefinitely suspended “travel twice” policy find W’s driving record in a National Geographic magazine at my school…oops J call home study and international agencies to see if we can switch back – they say ok officially return to international adoption *spend several hours reorganizing dossier papers J
3.28.2010	get 8 passport photos each for dossier (all that remains is our bank letter, dossier affidavit, and petition to adopt… and the biggie… the home study.. then we will officially be waiting . My goal is to mail our dossier, sans home study, by next week! WooHoo! receive email from social worker confirming April 1 and April 15 home study interviews
3.29.2010	compose petition and affidavit for dossier get home study policy documents, petition, affidavit, 1040s, and insurance verification notarized *mail notarized affidavit to state for certification
3.31.2010	mail remaining home study documents including: -Fee Schedule -Service Plan and Agreement -Guardianship Agreement -W, D, and Mr. P’s physical (agency form) -W, D, and Mr. P’s medical report with doctor signature -financial statement - monthly expense form -copies of pay stubs -W’s driving record -Last recommendation letter (Erin) -Home study Fee Email notice from international agency that travel twice policy WILL go into effect beginning Mid-May
4.01.2010	*travel two hours to agency office for home study interviews
4.02.2010	notarized bank verification for dossier arrives in mail A dear friend, Anita Walter Cooper, provides ORIGINAL WATERCOLOR PAINTING in custom frame to auction off to raise funds towards our adoption.
4.03.2010	hold yard sale to try and raise funds towards our adoption! God provides again! $890 received in donations towards our adoption expenses! PTL!
4.05.2010	*call home study agency to check on prints and clearances.. they have not been mailed?! Caseworker mails them immediately.
4.07.2010	*Certified affidavit arrives in mail! Last piece we needed!
4.08.2010	make 2 copies of dossier mail dossier to agency!
4.09.2010	*agency says dossier looks good!
4.14.2010	TWO MONTHS WAITING (to be officially waiting) FBI and State Clearances are back! Our fingerprints cleared!
4.15.2010	last home study home visit and interviews social worker interviews Becky as reference *social worker hopes to complete home study within TWO weeks! Hopefully we will have a waitlist number by the first week of MAY…and then we can really be waiting!
4.16.2010	*News from agency: they are officially working with two new orphanages AND ET govt says at least one parent must travel for both COURT and EMBASSY dates starting May 9^th.
5.14.2010	*THREE MONTHS WAITING! Home study STILL not finished!!!! Ugh!
5.16.2010	Realize that we did not mail the $750 authentication fee with our dossier to agency- insert another check into mail.
	Insert numerous phone calls and emails trying to get home study completed J
5.28.2010	* Oops- D updates physical. More blood drawn, dossier paper notarized, mail overnight to agency.
6.14.2010	*Finally- Home study is done! We have numbers! Infant Boy: #37 Infant Girl:#59 Toddler Boy:#7 Toddler Girl:#23 Siblings:#22
6.21.2010	Dossier en route to DC for authentication
6.28.2010	Dossier en route to Ethiopia! A little piece of us is in the same country as our sweet one!
7.5.2010	Waitlist movement! IB #36, IG#58, TB #7, TG #23, Sibs #21 Email from coordinator: Possible good news…
7.8.2010	**Referral Day! See B’s face for the first time while sitting in P.anera! He is beautiful!* Waitlist Movement: IB #35, IG#57, TB #0, TG #22, Sibs #21 Mail I600A with certified check, notarized home study, original birth certs, and marriage cert
7.9.2010	*send B’s medical records to pediatrician for review
7.14.2010	Officially accept B’s referral Mail acceptance letter *FIVE MONTHS WAITING
7.17.2010	*Receive new pics of B! Love it!

Little K is now Little B!

2010-07-15T22:49:00.000-07:00

The past few months have really taken a toll on our family- switchings jobs, health stuff, family stuff, adoption stuff, two year old stuff - the specifics of which are really too intimate for this forum, but just in general they were hard months. And I think all three of us felt the stress of life particularly hard over the last month. Finally, we are here in Lake Tahoe enjoying a much needed vacation, processing some of the "stuff" that has claimed so much of our energy over the last few months, and living this week with no agenda and no time schedule. In fact, our goal was originally to climb to the top of Half Dome in Yosemite. We cancelled the reservations. We barely trained and knew that physically we just would not be able to make it but also because we knew that we could save the money for our (now) imminent trips to Ethiopia. And that is what this post is all about. Our son. No, not the almost two year old that decorated the restaurant tonite with whales, globs of mashed potatoes, three spoons, and a spilled glass of water. Although we do love him A LOT, this post is about our OTHER son. The one at our agency's care center in Addis Ababa that does not know we exist. That's right folks, we got our REFERRAL! Little K has a name!

I want so badly to show the world his beautiful face, share his name, and most of all I want to hold him in my arms. Unfortunately, I cannot do any of those things until we pass court in Ethiopia. What I can tell you is that he a beautiful 3 year old boy. His skin is a smooth chocolate color and perfectly even, his eyes are a deep brown a slope slightly downward, he has a little button nose, his ears stick out just a little (his head is shaved), and his lips are petite. We have spent hours zooming in on the four pictures we have of him, studying each picture, memorizing everything about him. If you see us in person we can show you his picture, but nothing can be published on the internet. Oh, is he cute. Somehow I have been blessed with two of the cutest children on the planet.

This is B's referral story...

Last Monday we received an email from our coordinator that there was good news coming. I just thought she meant that some referrals were on the way or that Ethiopia was changing some laws in our favor... more general stuff for all waiting families, not a referral for us since we were number 7. Well, at 630 the phone rang and it was the agency's number. Our coordinator was returning a phone call about some questions I had regarding the filing of our I600-A. After answering those questions, she said she had some other good news. There were 10 toddler boys that needed home... do the math. We were number 7... they had 10 boys that needed homes. My heart jumped!!!! She said that it was likely we could get a referral within the week but all the boys were between 3-5 and we had said 2 or younger. We spent that night thinking and praying and emailed her in the morning to tell her we were open to a referral of a three year old. She called us later on Tuesday to say that she was not sure that the medicals would be in this week so we may not have a referral after all. Then Thursday at noon the phone rang again. It was Crystal, our coordinator, and she had a referral for us. Wes and I agreed to wait to open the referral email until we were together, so we met at B.arnes and N.oble to open the email. For whatever reason the internet would not connect so we ran next door to P.anera and there we saw our son's face for the very first time. We were in love.

In addition to his photo, we received a little information about his birth family (just as with Payton, I am not/will not share much of this part of B's story as it is his alone to share) as well as his health and development records. On Friday we took the medical records to our pediatrician (who happened to be leaving for Africa the next morning). Our pediatrician is wonderful and talked us through the little information we had and the bottom line is that he is a pretty healthy little kid! Praise God. Of course his health is important, but I also really wanted to know more about B (I will refer to him our oldest son as B from here on out.... his name starts with a B and we plan to keep his Sidamic name). I want to know what he likes to eat? What makes him laugh? if he is an introvert like me or an extrovert like his little brother, Payton? Does he feel lonely? Does he play with the other kids? I want to know B. I quickly put out a plea to our agency's yahoo forum asking for info from families that recently traveled if they saw the cute little boy at the care center with a kuntcho (his hair style -- a shaved head with a puff in the front). I clung to the words of each email that came back- because they offered me details about my son. They saw B, they heard him laugh. Their emails said things like:

"he has a huge, beautiful smile! he wouldn't give us a big smile for the other photos though he was clearly fighting it in an stubborn kinda way LOL. I remember him clearly cuz of the ALOHA shirt he was wearing and his cute hair puff :) I didn't observe too closely, but 3-4 makes sense. He seemed to fit right in and go along with the crowd of children playing"

"He really enjoyed the merry-go-round and bubbles. He is a gem!"

Oh how I loved reading this AND we got a picture of his smile. He looks so different from the referral photo which was taken about a month ago when he arrived at the care center. I can't wait for more reports from the families traveling this week!

We called our coordinator on the 14th to let her know that we officially accepted the referral.

I am sure that many of your are wondering where we go from here. The journey is FAR from over.

1. We need to get our i171-H from immigration. This could take up to three months and we cannot get a court date without this piece of paper.

2. The courts are closed in Ethiopia from August 9 until late September so the VERY earliest we could have a court date would be October.

3. We pass the first court date- the birth family must show and all of his documents be in order.

4. We travel to Ethiopia for our second court date (est. two weeks after the first court date).

5. Assuming we pass, we return to Ethiopia for the embassy date 6-8 weeks after the second court date. Best case scenario, B is home in December.

For those of you that are the praying type, here are our specific requests:

1. The our immigration fingerprints are good round one and that the paper work goes through quickly.

2. That we pass all of courts dates the first time.

3. That B feels the Father's love and comfort as he waits on his family to arrive.

4. For Payton to adjust to life as a little brother.

5. For B's health and emotional healing- that he stays healthy and strong and remains resilient through the tough life challenges he has experienced.

6. For funds. Traveling to Ethiopia twice will be quite costly and we still have to pay the country fee.

7. For patience and faith for Wes and I as we WAIT.

We are once again at the place in the adoption journey that humbles us. We have to be trusting in our heavenly Father. We must have faith. We have zero control over any situation in the process from here to B's arrival home. For a type A, control freak like myself, this is a tough place to be, but I am so thankful I am here!

Where did the accent come from?

2010-07-05T08:58:00.000-07:00

Payton developed a British accent this week. He demonstrates by saying "'ello" in this video. He also does his little joke at then end. For whatever reason, he thinks it sooo funny to say "me nun" when I ask to count to three.

She said it best...

2010-06-18T20:28:00.001-07:00

WoW! I just read this post on Rage Against the Minivan! This sums up so much of what I wish I could say to people when they ask about adoption and why we adopt and what it is like being a transracial family. Wow. What an amazing post!

Payton at 21 months, Adoption and Life Update

2010-06-16T11:54:00.000-07:00

I think it has been years since I last posted! My apologies. Here is an update on life for our family and friends that use this blog to keep up with us. We celebrated our seventh anniversary with a quiet dinner at new restaurant downtown. It was a nice evening, that mostly involved us talking about how much has changed in the last seven years! Just look how young we are in our wedding photos!

Payton has been busy horse showing these days :) He has been in three so far this summer, including an "A" show at the end of last month, and another planned next Monday. It took me FOREVER to find show clothes tiny enough for him. But I did it! He is becoming quite the rider- and can post when given the command "up-down." So fun, and I am pretty sure his grandma is eating this stuff up big time. He is also in the middle of a vocabulary explosion. More impressive than his spoken words, is his mastery of sign language. He creates sentences! Currently, Payton knows the signs for :fish, giraffe, monkey, mouse, dog, pig, please, finished, thank you, more, beautiful, phone, wheel, lotion, bubbles, help, brush teeth, wash, wash hands, hat,i love you, eat, water, milk, music, potato, spider, and (my personal favorite) cold. His favorite spoken words these days include NO (drawn out into about ten syllables), "I DON'T WANT," and "OH-NO!" (usually after he drops something on purpose.) Tis the age, I guess. Below is a video of Payton demonstrating his "NO!" skills as well as his version of signing COLD. He learned this sign during our daily icee sharing. I spent $15 to buy a shaved ice treats machine and we love it!

He is also working hard on phonics. He can do the sounds for A-F and H, S, T. As I type, Payton has a tractor in his hands and is saying beep beep as he runs it up and down Carmen's belly. Thank goodness our dogs are so wonderful! We have filled our days with swimming in the baby pool and doing fun things like making a sign to welcome home Payton's new friend from Ethiopia. As you can see, finger paints are far more fun if one paints their own face and hair too!

I can hardly believe he is 21 months old today. He is turning into the most amazing little boy. Wes or I still hold him each nite as he drifts off to sleep and I cherish those moments. As much as some may argue that this is a bad habit, I think it has done wonders for our family and attachment.

Wes is still working hard with his company and trying to fit in time to train his new horse, Jaz, and keep his horse Bandit in shape. He is VERY ready for a relaxing vacation. Wes and my Dad have also been working hard to get in the hay this summer. It makes for loooong days and sore arms.

I am enjoying my first days of summer home with Payton. The last two weeks were incredibly draining as I packed up my entire classroom (amazing the junk you an collect in 5 years) in preparation for the move to the new high school. Wes was a saint and moved ALL gazillion boxes with me. It was also an emotional few weeks as I said goodbye to colleagues and a school that really did mean more to me than a pay check- it was my high school, too. In fact, it is where I met Wes :) I was also informed that I will have to teach AP US History next year so I will be spending a week at a conference this summer to teach me how to teach kids to pass the test with a 4 or 5. I'm thrilled (insert sarcasm). I also joined a book club for this summer and am finishing up our first book, The Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet. It is a great read and I highly recommend it. It does address issues of family ties and loyalty, racism, and the generation gap.

In other news, our journey to our second child is fully underway. After a frustrating four months of paper work (more than you could ever imagine unless you have done this process), we are finally approved by the state. We still have to get USCIS (Immigration) clearances to bring a child into the country. That will involve another set of biometric prints in DC to get our I71-H document. However, we were able to get our "numbers" from our placement agency yesterday. These numbers indicate how many people are in front of us on the waiting list with our agency. What is so sad is that there are this many waiting families with just our agency and over 146 million orphans world wide, and 5 million of those are in Ethiopia. Yet, the crazy amounts of bureaucracy keeps things from moving any faster. Nonetheless, our numbers are (drum roll please)....Infant Boy #37, Infant Girl #59, Toddler Boy #7 (36 months or younger), Toddler Girl #23 (36 months or younger), and Sibling #22 (4 or younger for both children). Given these numbers, it is most likely that our referral will be for a toddler boy but we are ready for whatever blessing God sends our way. If I am right, however, and we are placed with a toddler boy we will have what they call in the adoption world "artificial twins." We are going to work on creating a room for the boys this summer. I think their attachment to each other will go better if they are in the same room. We also want Payton to have time pre-brother's arrival to get used to being in his "big boy" room. We are really excited about our adoption and cannot wait to bring him (whoever he is ) home. I think a best case scenario would have our little one coming home sometime in December, but realistically I think next spring is more accurate. Our next step, other than waiting for that wonderful phone call and submitting our I600A for immigration approval, is saving up money for Ethiopia's country fee that is due at the time we get our referral. I am applying for various adoption grants this week and hoping we will qualify for some.

As far as the animals are concerned... all is relatively calm at the moment. (And I did just knock on wood.)

I guess that is it for now....

My Busy Little Boy

2010-05-30T17:07:00.000-07:00

Ready to horse show!
Enjoying a Popsicle after going to see Elmo.
Playing on his new swing set for the first time. Grandma joined him!

Watching Elmo with his friend, Chloe.

What if we knew the future?

2010-05-16T19:38:00.000-07:00

Life would be pretty hard to stomach!

Carmen

LuLu

Last week was a tough one! May seems to be a month of animal crisis in our house (last year Topper and Lily died and Sawyer's episodes started). Today is actually Lily's birthday. She would be seven today if the crappy crappy disease called cancer hadn't ended her life so early. We sure miss that sweet girl! RIP Lily. Jackson and Lulu will walk in your memory at the Bark for Life next weekend.

Now back to last week... Carmen was stepped on by horse and nearly paralyzed (tore her MCL and slipped a disk in her back leaving her unable to walk on her own), and both Carmen and Lulu ate something dead (or so the vets suspect) and contracted a bacteria in their gut that caused them to start bleeding out. Carmen's case was the worst. She became non-responsive, white gummed, and cold. I sat with her and cried and said those awful goodbyes because I did not think Wes would get her to the vet before she died. Tears streamed down my face as I recalled our last eleven years together. She was at every major event with me: high school graduation, college graduation, my wedding, our first child, our first home, everything. Carmen is so loyal to me and I couldn't stand feeling like I could do nothing to help her. It was awful. Well, Wes and Carmen made it to the emergency vet at midnight and turns out she was critical, but the infection she had is usually curable if caught in time. So after 48 hours of fluids and antibiotics at the dog hospital, Carmen came home... and then Lulu got sick. After more hours of cleaning up blood all over our house, over 5 trips to the vet (emergency and regular), and $1000.00, our animals appear to be on the mend. It was exhausting. And I am so thankful that I had no idea it was coming because how would I have ever gotten out of bed to face the day? I remember one night this week laying in bed, turning to Wes and saying, "it is such a blessing that we don't know the future!"

A blessing, indeed!

Yea for Daddy!

2010-05-03T21:03:00.000-07:00

Two and a half years of hard work and a short walk later, Wes got his MBA!

So proud of you, Sweets! Payton is proud of all of his Daddy's hard work. What a great example you set for him!

Just sayin'

2010-05-03T15:07:00.000-07:00

so this is teacher appreciation week. right. i have three after school meetings, grades are due, and b/c of the lovely economy there are no pay adjustments for cost of living increases for next year. not to mention that i have never once, in SIX years of teaching, had a single student even so much as thank me during teacher appreciation week. (altho many parents do :) oh, but wait. i get to wear jeans on wednesday. that makes everything better. sigh.

On the GO GO GO

2010-05-01T10:41:00.000-07:00

I hope he drives a little better when he is 16!

Why is He soooo Happy!?

2010-05-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

A complete stranger asked us this last night. We were finishing up our meal at a local restaurant, one of the few resturaunts in the county so we were sure to help out our local schools with our additional $.95 tax :), when a couple stopped by that had watched Payton all dinner long. It was about 9pm and we had been there for nearly an hour. Payton was still laughing and playing games with us as always. The lady placed her hand on his head (yes, people still love to touch his hair) and then ran her hand gently around his cheek. Normally, this would freak me out a little bit as I am such a germaphobe. But there was something about the way she looked at him and said "thank you" to Payton that made me okay with it. She was thanking him for his joy. We are so grateful that Payton is such a JOY and so very happy and that God uses his fun spirit to touch others! A sweet moment. I hope and pray his little heart is always so full of happiness and that this cold world never takes away his joy. Love you sweet boy.